Posted in blog, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing

Do We Even Try?- Part 3

Sorry for the delay everyone! It’s been a crazy few weeks!

Sydney had been out of the hospital for a few weeks. Trying to piece together the new parts of her new life. While her new life was a lot lonelier than her old one, it did have a few perks. She was may more successful in this life, had a bigger apartment, and was running her own company. She still wasn’t used to being called Kristen Matthews, but people blamed it on the accident.

Eventually people came to see her, mainly co-workers and few people who were friends on Kristen. They all told her to call them when she was ready to hang out, but she wasn’t sure when that would be. If it would ever be. She was living someone else’s life and she wasn’t sure she’d ever find her center. She found herself staying up most nights, coming up with ideas for the company she was now running, eating her favorite ice cream, and looking out at the nighttime view. She couldn’t get over how gorgeous the view was.

She did take solace in one thing.

She wasn’t too far from the family she knew. Her new life was only a 20 minute walk from her old one. She found herself walking to the park not far from her parents house, and spending her mornings watching them. She knew how morbid it was, but it gave her peace. She liked watching her parents go on their walks and talking through her grief. She didn’t like watching her little brother come to the lake to cry, and drink by himself. She felt so bad and wanted to apologize to him. Apologize for hurting him like this and let him know that it wasn’t his fault. She wanted to but there was no way she could.

She sat on a park bench drinking her coffee and listening to ‘Even Flow’, waiting for her parents to start their usual morning trek. She was so lost in her thoughts, she didn’t even notice someone approaching her.

“Hey, are you in there?” a man asked, standing in front of her. She was shaken out of her thoughts to see her doctor standing in front of her, sweaty.

“Oh…hey.” Sydney said softly, taking one headphone out of her ear, and pausing her music.

“Didn’t know if you were okay. You were completely zoned out.”

“Pearl Jam will do that to you” she smiled at him “I take it you went for a jog?”

“What gave me away?” he laughed, getting a small laugh out of her “I try to jog in the mornings, but with my schedule it’s hard so I’ve been coming here evenings and nights…and you don’t care about any of this. How have you been? How are you feeling?” he asked, taking seat next to her.

“I’m alright. Still a bit sore, things are foggy. I’m getting better though, taking things slow.” Sydney said softly, glancing at her watch, wanting to make sure she didn’t miss her parents.

“You haven’t been coming to the therapy sessions.”

“I don’t really want to be around people. I’m doing good by myself.”

“Being around people can help though. It helps with every part of the of the healing process.” he said with sincerity.

She looked up across the lake to see her parents getting ready for their walk.

“Do you know who they are? I see them almost every morning.” Sydney asked him, watching them get started, after they say a little prayer.

“I don’t remember their names, but they came in the same night you did…why do you ask?”

“They just look so sad. You said you come here a lot, so I was just wondering.”

“Yeah, their daughter killed herself. They stayed in that hospital for hours crying, and I felt so terrible for them. I see the mom at the therapy sessions we have for those who are grieving, the dad doesn’t come as much. I don’t know if it helps, but she keeps coming. Maybe you two can connect?”

“Maybe.” Sydney said, giving her a parents a small smile and nod as they walked past.

Posted in blog, Journal, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing

Do We Even Try? – Part 2

Sydney looked out her window in her hospital room, trying to piece the together the last few days. She had been dead and now she wasn’t. She was Sydney Dunderston, and now she’s Kristen Matthews? Nothing was making sense and no one seemed to be able to explain what happened to her. Well, no one seemed to want to explain what happened to her.

The strangely calming entity that had…transported her back, hadn’t been back since she returned. Not even in her dreams and she was starting to get pissed. It could have at least offered her some direction, or at least a hint of what she was supposed to do in this life. Who she was supposed to be.

“Ahh, Ms. Matthews! You’re awake!” her doctor beamed, disrupting her messy train of thought. She still wasn’t used to ‘Kristen’ or ‘Ms. Matthews’, but there was no way for her to explain that to them. She couldn’t even explain it to herself.

“How are you feeling today?” her doctor asked, standing at the foot of her bed.

“Not as much pain, I guess. Still confused about what happened and how I got here. All I keep hearing is that I took a nasty fall. Where or what did I fall from? How long was I out? Wad I by myself? I really need to start getting some answers, she sighed in frustration.

The smile on her doctor’s face slowly faded, and he let out a deep sigh.

“Kristen…you went hiking with your boyfriend Tom…from the looks of injuries you sustained, you slipped or lost your footing and you fell. Tom tried to catch and in the process, lost his footing all together. His body hit the ground too fast and too hard and….well Kristen….he died.” the doctor finished, pain in his throat.

Sydney felt overcome with an immense amount of grief and she wasn’t sure why. She didn’t even know this person, but her heart was breaking for him. She then realized that no one had to come to visit her. Something this tragic, someone should have cared, right?

“Why hasn’t anyone come by to see me? Has anyone come to see me while I was out?”

“You don’t have any family, you were raised in an orphanage. Don’t you remember?”

“Everything is coming back to me slowly.” Sydney said, having no clue about this person’s life.

‘Why on earth have I been brought back if I’m just going to be miserable all over again?’ Sydney thought to herself.

‘You’re wrong’ a voice, sounding oddly similar to the entity, echoed back.

“Why hasn’t his family been to see me?” Sydney asked, turning her attention back to the doctor.

He was quiet for a minute and looked down at his feet. “They blame you. They came in to the hospital while we were working on you, and his mother made a scene. She was going on and on about how you changed him, and he didn’t even like the outdoors before you came along, and a bunch of other nonsense. None of it mattered though, because it wasn’t your fault. It was an accident.” her doctor said, his eyes begging her not to believe anything his mother said.

“I just want to sleep for now. Can you come back later?” Sydney said, closing her eyes tight, trying not to cry. She heard him sigh but walk away and close the door.

Tears that she didn’t understand started flow freely down her face. She sunk further down in bed, covering her head, and cried herself to sleep. Something she was all too used to.

“You’re starting this all off on the wrong foot. You were brought back for a second chance, and you’re letting yourself fall back to where you were.” Sydney heard the entity say.

She opened her eyes to see a grayed out room and figure in front of her.

“What are you doing to me? WHY are you doing this to me? Who the hell is Kristen Matthews?!” Sydney yelled.

“Kristen’s time on this earth was done. Her body, however, was not. This is your second chance. Your time is not done yet, but this is your last chance.”

“Then why bring me back to the life of someone who was just as miserable as I was?!”

“She wasn’t miserable anymore, Sydney. She fought through, she pushed through her bad days, and she made an amazing life for herself. Tom was going to propose to her once they got to the top of that mountain.”

“And you killed them?”

“They’re together now. What does it matter? They both made their mark, they lived full lives, and they did what they were on this earth to do. You haven’t. You’re supposed to be here for a long time. If you take your life again, there’s no coming back this time. Don’t make your choices lightly. You’ve seen it before, there are consequences to your actions.” the entity said softly before dissolving in the air.

Sydney woke up to a dark room and the sound of machines beeping. She felt a heavy weight on her chest and she was feeling overwhelmed. She didn’t want to screw anything up, but she didn’t know how strong she could be. She wasn’t sure if she could be stronger than she was the last time she was alive.

Posted in blog, Journal, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing

Do We Even Try? Pt 1

“We miss you so much, Sydney. We all wish you were still here!” “You were so young! Why’d you leave this way?!” “Everything is so empty without you.” “You still owe me $20, and now I don’t know how to get it back. Thanks Syd.”

Sydney rolled her eyes at her younger brother’s comment, as he sulked past her casket. Sydney was roaming around in someplace that was between limbo and nothingness. ‘Sydney Dunderston, 29, dead by suicide.’ That’s what the papers read. They weren’t wrong but then again, they weren’t necessarily right.

It’s not like she hadn’t tried to opt out in the last minute, it was just too late. Drugs work quick, bleach works faster. The minute she saw herself lying on the floor though, she wanted to take it back. However, it’s all a one way ticket. You can’t check out of death, once you’ve checked in. Well…not the way she did.

“Ahh Sydney, we were hoping to never see you here.” a soft yet stern voice came from behind her.

Sydney turned to see a grayish, thin, almost ghost like thing behind her. She wasn’t afraid at all. Instead, she felt slightly comforted and a bit ashamed of herself.

“I tried to change my mind-”

“You knew that, that decision would be final.” he said gently.

“Nothing was getting better.”

“Things were getting better, you just couldn’t see it.”

“Well whose fault is that?!”

“Yours.” the entity said,

Sydney sighed, cause she knew it was right. Things had started to turn around, but the pain she felt was always overwhelming. She felt tears coming to her eyes and she quickly covered her eyes with both her hands, applying a small amount of pressure.

“I screamed for help and no one could hear me! I said I wasn’t okay and no one listed! I tried to be strong and they just kept adding more weight! I couldn’t stay anymore!” she sobbed out.

“You don’t belong here, my sweet child. This world is not for you. You have an absolute ending, and it is more than this.” the entity said softly, wrapping it’s ghost like arms around her.

“I get to go back?” Sydney sobbed, looking up at its gentle face.

“Not as you were, but as you could be if you give yourself a try.” the entity said softly, kissing her forehead.

Before she could ask what he meant,she felt herself being sucked up and then an immense amount of pain.

Sydney tried to scream out in pain, but she felt something lodged in her throat. Her eyes flew open to see a bright light and people standing around her with face masks.

“Hey, look who came back to us!” one of the men yelled, happiness in his voice.

Sydney tried to sit up, but it hurt to move. She heard a beep noise and realized that she was hooked up to a machine. She was in a hospital.

“That was a nasty fall, Ms. Matthews. We’re glad to have you back in the land of living.” a female voice came from behind her.

Land of the living? Ms. Matthews? What just happened? Did she just come back?

Posted in Uncategorized

October 14, 2019

I feel like I can’t breathe.

I’ve been trying to pull myself back up, and get motivated, but I just feel all this pressure and I feel like I can’t breathe. I talk it out, write it, sing it out, dance it out, but all of the weight still feels the same. I want to scream but I feel like that will use all the air I have left in me.

Sometimes, I want whatever is pulling me down to just pull me all the way down. That gets me nowhere though, and it solves nothing. So, this is the week that it changes. I’m forcing a change. There NEEDS to be a change. I have a few stories that I’ve been tinkering around with, so I’ll post part 1 of one of them tomorrow. I’m going to work on my book some more, and get back to having fun with my passion.This week is gonna be hard and it’s going to be hard to get some things done, but difficult does not mean impossible. Step by step and little by little.

Posted in blog, Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized, Writing

July 16, 2019

I figure it’s time for a new blog post, since all I’ve been posting are shorties lately.

It’s 7:26, ‘The Pacific’ is playing for what has to be the millionth time, I’m drinking wine, and forcing myself to write this journal entry. I say I’m forcing myself because writing short stories, is a lot easier than dealing with what’s going on in my head. Ever since she had to say goodbye, it’s been hard as hell to write one of these. To be honest with myself.

I like to lie to myself and tell myself I’m dealing with everything just fine. In reality, that’s total horseshit. I just don’t deal with it and I try not to do anything that reminds me of when she was still here. I’ve basically stopped working on my new book for now, cause it’s too hard write what comes next. I don’t sleep in my room anymore because it’s around the corner from her room. I barely go in her room anymore because everything is almost the exact same way she left it. I can’t look at a picture of her without crying and I’ll randomly start crying at work.

So no, I’m not dealing with it which is just making it worse for myself. I just don’t want to. I know what’s happened and I’ve acknowledged it, but I don’t want to go through the motions of it all. I just can’t accept  it. I keep telling myself that by acknowledging it, I’ve accepted it. I know it’s not true though and I don’t think I’ll accept it for some time. I guess that’s what this post is for. Me trying to take a step in that direction. As the days go on, time will tell and maybe I’ll get better at it. For now, drinking wine and watching ‘The Pacific’, seem like a really good way to spend my time.

Posted in blog, Journal, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing

You Won’t See It Coming – Final Chapter

“Do you have ANY idea what you two did?! The damage that you’ve caused?!” God yelled at both Willow and Sam. Sam cowered in her seat while Willow merely rolled her eyes.


“We did a good thing. We kept him at bay for a while!” Sam defended so quietly you could barely hear her.


“At what cost?! The town is in ruin!”

“It’s really not that bad.” Willow interrupted before lighting a cigarette.


“You’re joking, right?” God asked, raising an eyebrow “with the cigarette?”

“Listen, we did a good thing. Even though there was a lot of damage, we did good. No one ever saved the world without making a little mess.” she shrugged, taking a long drag from her cigarette.


“Is she serious?” God asked Sam, who just sunk lower into her seat.


“She really is a lovely girl.” Sam pipped out.


“Listen, I’m not asking to join your fan club, I’m asking you to cut your daughter some slack and to acknowledge the good she did. You weren’t prepared for him, no one was. She did amazing and saved my life. In case you couldn’t tell by this giant cut on my forehead, and the fact that my right arm is almost completely separated from my body, I wasn’t doing so great. You should be proud of her.” Willow finished, giving a small nod to Sam.


“This isn’t what was supposed to happen” God said, crossing his arms.

“Who gives a shit? It is what happened, and it overall went well.”

“Cursing up here isn’t a good way to get in.”

“I’m not looking for acceptance.” Willow smiled.


“Okay you two, just relax. Dad, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t change what I did cause it needed to happen, but I’m sorry I made you upset. She was amazing out there and no matter how you feel, she was able to send him back and it gave us more time. You should be thanking her AND reconsider what you’ve been saying for all these years.” Sam stated, arms crossed and eyebrow raised.


“She can’t” God said, rubbing his head.
”Why not?!”

“You know why!”

“Give me a break! She has proven that she’s different from him a million times over, especially today! Cut her a break! What angel isn’t rough around the edges?”


“I’m sorry, come again?” Willow asked, slowly realizing what they were talking about.

“You belong up here and don’t say you don’t. You’re not the norm but it doesn’t matter. Your soul is good. You can’t be happy just wandering around in the in-between all by yourself.” Sam said, small smile coming to her face.


Though she would never admit it out loud, she knew Sam was right.


“Is he up here?” Willow asked, changing the uncomfortable conversation to someone way more important, in her opinion.


“He’s over there.” God said softly, pointing down the isle.


Willow made her way down the isle and sat next to the kind doctor who took a chance on her.


“Dr. Dale.” she said softly with a smile.

“It’s a bit silly to have a church in heaven, don’t you think?”

“I imagine this is where they have meetings and celebrations.”

“At least I can say I completely believe you.” he smiled at her.


Willow took a seat next to him and sighed “I told you I couldn’t protect you.”

“No matter what you would have said, it was my choice to stay. At least you won…for now.”

“Do you miss it?”

“I mean, I definitely thought I had more time. Part of me really wanted you to be wrong. Sarah is gonna be crushed. I hope someone good looks out for her. I shouldn’t have gotten into that argument with her the other day. It’s all stupid now. I’m gonna miss her the most.” Eric smiled, a small tear falling from his now flawless face.


“Hold on.” Willow stated, getting up and walking back up the isle.


“Send him back.” Willow stated firmly, standing in front of God and Sam.


“I feel like I’m being ordered around a lot in my own house, and I don’t like it.” God said, throwing his hands up in frustration.


“Listen, send him back and I’ll happily go back to wandering around in the in-between. He didn’t deserve this, he was trying to be a good guy.”


“You’d give up the one thing you’ve been longing for, so he can go back?”

“Why not? I’m secure in my future, whatever that may be, he still has a whole life. He’s only 26. Send him back.” Willow said softly.


She desperately wanted a place to settle down, but Willow knew that asking for two miracles in one day was insane.


“I’ll tell you what, stop the smoking and the cursing, and he can go back…and you can stay.” God said, a small smile appearing on his face.


Willow looked up in complete shock, tears brimming in her eyes.


“Everyone deserves a home and though you may be rough around the edges, you’ve got one here. Before you even say it, you’re very much worthy of it. Welcome home.” God smiled, wrapping His arms around her tight.


Willow finally felt the one thing she had been longing for since she could breathe: complete.

Posted in blog, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing

You Won’t See It Coming (Part 3)

“There’s still time for you two to get out, if you go now! Please!” Willow pleaded frantically, looking for a way for them to escape without using the front door.


“After everything that we have gone through, I’m not about to leave you standing here on your own. You can’t survive him on your own. You need help.” Sam said plainly, although it was evident she was terrified.


Willow looked over to Eric who just shrugged and shook his head “at least I can say I truly believe you after all of this.”


“I can’t protect you.” Willow pleaded.

“I guess it’s a good thing I’m not asking you to.” he smiled.


She gave the best reassuring smile she could to the two saints standing in her living room, before the door flew open, flying off the hinges.


“Willow, Willow, Willow….always messing where you shouldn’t.” came a dark and sinister voice “time’s up and now you’re just pissing me off.” it growled.


“Leave them alone and go back from where you came! There will be no wars starting today!” Willow yelled, pulling a sword out from one of the bags she brought from her house.


“You’re no match for me.”

“Maybe not by myself, but I’ll try my odds with an angel by myself.”

“Ahh yes, Sam. Does your Father know what you’re up to?” it asked, finally stepping into the house to reveal a figure with a skin as black as night and pearly white teeth. It almost was almost human like except for the chill and grim tidings it brought with it.


“I’m sure He won’t be happy about it, but He won’t be angry once He finds out why.” Sam stated, putting her hair in a ponytail before unfurling her ruffled feathers. The creature laughed a terrifying laugh before returning it’s attention back to Willow.


“You showed so much potential. Then you screwed it all up. Do you know how embarrassing it was to hear that my own daughter had rebelled against me? The ruler of the underworld’s daughter was trying to fight for the other team? The team that won’t even allow you to join their team? It’s pathetic.”


“What you do isn’t right. It isn’t right and I couldn’t keep watching it happen. I couldn’t and I wouldn’t.” Willow tried to get out with as much confidence that she could muster “stop selling the lie that leads to torment.”


“You’re so weak and it’s annoying. It’s always been annoying. Always with the whining and tears. I’ll be so happy to be rid of you. That dumb thief we killed was supposed to be you. Getting you out of my way once and for all. Now he whines just as much as you. The most infuriating sound. Despair.” Satan scoffed.


“It all makes sense now. I would’ve been in the asylum a lot sooner if I were you.” Eric whispered, in complete disbelief and of not only what was in front of his eyes, but also how a parent could treat their own child this way.


Willow spun around with wide eyes, as she had almost forgotten Eric was there. Now that she had been reminded that he was in fact in the room, she didn’t know how he had found the nerve to speak.


Before she could think on it any longer, Eric was in the air and gasping for breath.


“Put him down!” Willow screamed, furry now consuming her eyes.

“Your pet? You swear to love these things so much, stupid creatures with no real thought, humans are the worst thing ever created. Yet, you love them so much that you were stupid enough to bring him here. Bring him to this.”


“I SAID TO PUT HIM DOWN!” Willow roared, swinging the sword and drawing black blood from the worst creature ever created.


A sinister smile came to his face and with barely any effort and a wave of his hand, Eric was thrown with full force against the wall, his body crouched on the floor.


Willow looked back at the lifeless body on the ground, and tear came to her eye over the man who had given her a chance. She turned back to her father and let out a shrill scream, so loud lightning cracked the sky and thunder shook the ground. Willow may not have been able to stop him from releasing hell on earth, but she could hold him off for a while.


“You want evil? I’ll give you evil!” she roared before charging towards it.


The war of father and daughter had just begun.

Posted in blog, Journal, Stories, Writing

You Won’t See It Coming Part 2

The car ride to Doctor Dale’s apartment was fast, awkward, and silent. There was no music and Willow was almost certain that he had run 3 lights and broken numerous laws.


“You didn’t have to give me a ride you know,” Willow finally mumbled, after they had been sitting in silence for 30 minutes.

“No, I believe the statement you’re looking for is ‘thank you’. You don’t get to have an attitude with me. I’m probably going to lose my license because of you!”


“Literally no one told you to help me, but okay.”

“You think you would have gotten away without my help?”

“Oh, I know I would have gotten away without your help.”

“Fine then! Go out there!” Doctor Dale hollered at her, pointing towards the front door of the apartment.


“Hello? Eric?” a male voice asked from outside the door.

Both Eric and Willow stood there in silence with a panicked looks on their faces.

“Eric, are you okay?”

“Yeah Tim, just got off the phone with Sarah. Another dumb argument. What’s up?” Eric said, not taking his eyes of Willow who was almost paralyzed with fear.


‘Kitchen’ he mouths towards her and she tiptoed as fast as she could to the next room.


“Can I come in? A patient escaped, wanted to know if you’d seen her.” Tim said, a certain hesitation in his voice.


Once Eric was sure that Willow was out of sight, he cracked the door slightly to see Tim desperately trying to see into his apartment.


“What are you looking for?” Eric asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I just thought I heard you talking to someone. Could have sworn I heard a woman’s voice in hear.”

“Yeah, Sarah. I told you we got into a fight, the phone was on speaker.”

“Okay, sorry. Can I come in?”

“Yeah, whatever.” Eric said, making an attempt to sound more annoyed than terrified.


Tim came in and looked around the room, before taking a look on the sofa.

“Looking for something?”

“Sort of, that patient that escaped, it was the one they think murdered that burglar. Willow. She’s one of your patients.”

“Yeah and?”

“Thought she may have come here, did you tell her that you believed her?”

“You know I didn’t,” Eric sighed, plopping down on the sofa “it’s against the rules.”

“I’ll never understand why you believe her. The cops-”

“Just wanted to close the case. Nothing adds up. The bartender and her friend vouched for her, she had receipts, and you could see her in the footage that night. You don’t think something strange is going on here?”

“No, because she’s crazy. Crazy broads work quick.”

“You just hate women.” Eric scoffed, rolling his eyes.


“You look stressed man. You must be cause you’re talking like an asshole. I’ll grab you a beer.” Tim said, starting towards the kitchen before Eric could protest.


Tim grabbed a beer and gave a look around the kitchen before heading back into the main room.


“If you’re done interrogating me and making it painfully obvious that you don’t believe me, not to be rude, but please get the hell out of my apartment. It’s been a long day, I’m tired, and I wanna go to sleep.”


“Touchy, but fine. Let me know if you hear anything- and Eric-” Tim said before stopping in the door way, “I know you wanna be the good guy, but don’t throw your career and life away for this crazy chick. If you see her, report her.” He finished as more of a warning than a piece of friendly advice before finally leaving.


Eric waited until he saw Tim pull off before running into the kitchen to look for Willow. Just when he was about to check the deck, Willow pushed the lower cabinet door open and slowly made her way out.


“We have to get out of here and fast. You’re not safe.” she said, pure fear lacing her voice.


“What do you mean?”

“They know I’m with you. Tim isn’t human. He’s one of them, he’s like the second in command.”

“Okay, now I know you’re crazy. I’ve known Tim for-”

“10 years, right? Went to school together. You ever wonder why he’s so cynical? Why bad things just seem to happen when he’s around? Why you have the urge to do something you wouldn’t imagine doing in a million years? It’s because of him. Who he is. What he is. What he does. He knows I’m here, he went to go and tell the others. We have to go.”


“Willow, you really believe this, don’t you?”

“If you think I’m so crazy, why didn’t you tell him I’m here? Why don’t you take me back now?” she questioned in a soft and pleading tone.


Eric could tell by the look in her eyes that she was serious, and not so much concerned with her own safety as she was with his.


“Where do we go?” he sighed, giving up in everything he thought he knew.

“We have to go to my house then-”

“You’re house?! There’s no way we can get in there!”

“I know how to sneak into my own damn house. We have to stop there, then we have to go to my best friend’s house and that’s where I leave you. You’ll be safe with her.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“You won’t be safe where I’m going and I can’t protect you.”

“I can protect myself-”

“Why are men in every realm so annoying? This isn’t some street fight, it’s certain death. You won’t be safe and I can’t protect you. Now, we’ve wasted enough time talking about it. Let’s go.” Willow stated with all finality before walking out the door and making her way down the steps. Eric sighed in defeat and followed after her.


“How much longer till we’re at your house?” Eric yawned, rubbing his eyes.

“We’re close, thirty minutes.” Willow sighed, starting to feel the exhaust set in herself.


The car ride had been silent for the most part. A few car honks and small talks of which way to go, but no actual conversation.


“So….what are you?” Eric asked nervously, keeping his eyes glued to the road, but he could see a small smile creeping on to her face.


“How long have you been dying to ask me that?” she laughed softly.

“Since we left my house.”

“Well, I am nothing. Not angel, not demon, not human…nothing.”

“You can’t just be nothing.”

“Surprisingly, you can very much be nothing. I was never born of this earth. Hell cast me out and it seems no matter how many good deeds I do, heaven won’t have me. Though, I can’t say I blame them. Not with my lineage.” she sighed, rubbing her head.


“What do you mean ‘hell cast you out’? You can get cast out of hell?”

“It’s really not as hard as you think. Just break the rules.”

“Hell has rules?”

“Hell has a lot of rules. That can easily be broken. They weren’t supposed to be for someone like me.”


“Someone like you? I don’t-”

“We’re here.” Willow said, suddenly stopping the car.

“Which house is yours?” Eric asked, sitting in complete ‘awe’ of the huge houses around him.


“The one at the end of the street.”

“Why are we so far back here?”

“I can’t just pull up, can I?”

“What do you do on earth that you can afford this?”

“Absolutely nothing. This is all courtesy of my best friend.” Willow plainly, before getting out of the car and disappearing behind a random house.


Eric sat in the car feeling anxious, scared, and slightly excited. He would have never guessed himself to end up in a situation like this. Ever. He tried to take his mind off of the situation by going through his phone, but nothing was catching his attention. How he could focus on anything at a time like this?


Just when he thought it would best to get out of the car and see what was taking so long, he saw Willow sprinting towards the car holding a ton of things he couldn’t see and she was covered in something dark.


“That was a lot more complicated than I thought it’d be.” she said, slightly out of breath and highly annoyed.


“What are you covered in? Is that…black blood?”

“They were waiting for me. I knew they would be and I almost made it out unnoticed, before I tripped over the damn lap table. I really gotta get it together,” she stated in a huff, speeding off and blowing past a stop sign.


“You just fought a demon?!”

“I fought 3 demons. I really need you not to freak out on me right now, Eric. You’ve been doing great all day, and I really don’t need you to start now.” She pleaded with a half smile, before hooking a sharp right.


“What does your best friend do that she can afford a house like that for you?” Eric asked, trying his best to not vomit from the unpleasant stench that was now filling the car.


“She doesn’t do anything either. It’s her dad. He kind of…runs things?”

“Your best friend’s dad is Satan?!” Eric screamed while just laughed and shook her head slightly.

“No, he’s Satan’s least favorite deity.”

“You mean…?”

“Yup and we are here.” Willow stated, once again slamming on the breaks and grabbing her things out of the backseat “we’re running out of time, so I need you to get moving.” Willow smiled towards Eric before slamming the door shut.


“Where the hell have you been Willow?!” Sam yelled, cigarette in hand.

“Trying to get away from Hell actually. Sam, meet Eric. Eric, this is Sam.” Willow smiled, before barging into the house.


Eric stopped and looked in total confusion and disbelief.

“You’re…you’re Sarah’s best friend!”

“If you could not tell her about this, that’d be super.” Sam smiled, beckoning Eric inside the house.

“What took so long at the house?”

“I tried to get out as quick as I could, but they discovered me, thus the black blood. You need to take him and get out of here now.”

“Willow, you can’t do this by yourself.”

“I will be fine and I can hold my own for a while. You don’t want to be here when this all happens. You need to go and keep him safe.”

“I can keep him safe here! I’m not letting you fight him alone!”

“SAM! GO!” Willow roared.


Just as Sam was about to respond, the ground started to violently shake.

“Oh shit” Willow whispered, fear all over her face “he’s here.”

Posted in blog, Journal, Real Life, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing

You Won’t See It Coming (Part 1)

She knew she didn’t belong here, but she was starting to believe she did. 367 days, 8808 hours, 30 minutes, and 25 seconds. That’s how long she had been locked in this place. Maybe the fact that she could remember that was a sign that she should be here. She had never been any good with numbers or time, at least not until time was unfairly taken away from her.

She wouldn’t change her story though. She knew what she saw, she knew what she felt, and she had a feeling it would happen again. She wasn’t crazy and anyone who didn’t believe her could go blow a cactus.

*tap, tap, tap*

She had grown tired of the so-called ‘knocking’. She found it to be the equivalency of your parents knocking on your door when you were a child; they were going barge in whether you said it was okay or not. As if they wanted to catch you doing something you had no business doing.

The door creaked open, letting a sliver of light come in. Not enough that she could see what was going on outside her door, but just enough to make her wonder.

“Hey Miss Willow, it’s time for you to take your medicine.” the overly happy orderly smiled, slowly stepping in the small cell “it’s time for your medicine.”

“I won’t take it.”

“You say that every day.” the orderly mused.

“And everyday I don’t take it.” Willow thought to herself.

The orderly put the two pills in her hand, one red and one green, along a small cup of water. Willow rolled her eyes before throwing the pills in her mouth and securing them in-between her gums and bottom front lip. As she went to drink the water, she used the tip of her tongue to push the pills up and over her lip, letting them fall into her sleeve without missing a beat. Willow finished the water and gave the cup back, using her opposite hand.

“That wasn’t so bad!”

“Get out.” Willow merely mumbled, before putting her head back down on the table.

“Always with the attitude, the doctor will be in to see you soon.” the orderly said, before walking out and locking the door behind her. If being locked up in a crazy bin bin didn’t make Willow already want to kill herself, that orderly’s fake plucky attitude did.

Willow quickly places the small pills on the floor and used the steel leg of the chair to smash it into tiny pieces, before using her hand to scatter them on the ground to make it look like dirt.

“I hear that you’re in a bad mood today, just like every other day.” the doctor, Doctor Dale, said coming into the small cell.

“Well doc, how would you feel being locked up in this place? Forever cheerful?”

“Willow, you know why you’re in here.”

“I’m here because they were so quick to close a case and not look at the facts!” she sighed in an exhausted and frustrated tone.

Doctor Dale sat down in front of her and passed her a cigarette and lighter. Willow wasn’t sure how to feel about the man sitting across from her. She didn’t hate him, but she definitely didn’t trust him. He couldn’t have been much older than her, and from the looks of it, he definitely did skateboarding and metal shows when he wasn’t in the crazy house. He had kind eyes and dirty blonde hair. If she was going to be completely honest with herself, he wasn’t terribly hard to look at. However, seeing as she spent most of her time looking at a cold floor and the same four walls, he didn’t really have much competition. She lit her cigarette and tossed the lighter back to the doctor.

“What do you want today?” Willow mumbled before taking a long drag from her cigarette.

“You to tell me what happened that-”

“I’ve told you over a hundred times what happened!”

“Willow, your story is making no sense, nothing you say-”

“I didn’t kill him! I’ve told you all a million times that I didn’t do it! I came home and found him bleeding out on the floor! Numerous people have been able to corroborate my story! I left to go to the bar, after the bar I went to the movies, after the movies I went to my best friend’s house! When I came home some random man was lying on my floor, holding my belongings that he was stealing by the way, bleeding out from a gaping hole in his stomach! Now, you tell me Dr. Dale, how could I have cut a hole into his stomach from the time it takes me to get home and the 10 minutes it took the cops to get to my house?!” she screamed at him.

The doctor sighed and lit his own cigarette. Even he had to admit, even if only to himself, the chances of her killing him were impossible.

“Listen, I get that you’re frustrated, but the cops get there and you’re going on about demons and them coming for you-”

“I didn’t say it’s not hard to believe, I said I didn’t kill him.” Willow practically growled at him.

Doctor Dale sighed and slouched back in his chair “so, what would you like for me to do? Huh?”

“Get me the hell out of here so I can stop it from happening again!” Willow yelled, this time jumping up in frustration and slamming her hands on the table.

She didn’t care that she was the only one who believed her story, she knew that time was running out. Fast.

“Should I bring a priest with me next time?” Doctor Dale asked, a small exhausted laugh escaping his lips.

“Glad you think this is so damn funny.” Willow mumbled, walking towards the wall and leaning against it.

“You know it’s not funny to me, but my hands are tied in this situation. You can’t prove anything you’re saying and I can’t force people to believe you.”

“Do you believe me?” Willow asked, her voice dropping, a hint of softness to it.

“I don’t know. It’s not the strangest thing I’ve heard and I guess it wouldn’t be the strangest thing I’ve seen. I don’t know.”

“If you believe me, get me out of here.”

“My hands are tied, Willow.”

“Fine then.” she huffed before finishing her cigarette and flicking it on the ground.

Doctor Dale sighed in frustration and got up from the table, “I’ll see you tomorrow and we’ll start this again, I guess.” he mumbled before walking out and closing the door behind him.

“We’ll see.” Willow mumbled.


‘Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!’ Willow thought as she broke into a sprint across the field. She had been doing fine until she got to the last corridor and tripped the alarm. It hadn’t taken the orderly’s long to figure out that it was her who broke free and they, along with at least 6 dogs, were right on her trail.

She hadn’t been athletic in what felt like a million years, and her legs were starting to tire, but she knew she had to keep going.

“That way! She’s headed for the fence!” she heard one of the male orderly’s yell.

She stopped for a moment, looked up the tall fence, said a quick prayer to whoever wasn’t ignoring her at this point in her life, and hoped that her years of hopping fences when she was a kid would help her now. She started scaling the fence and made it up just high enough that the dogs barely missed her when they started biting and jumping.

She made her way to the top and decided it was in her best interest to jump. Even with something broken, she could still muster up enough strength to get the hell away from there.


She hadn’t broken anything but she knew she’d feel it for the next few weeks.

She kept running towards the road until an old convertible stopped in front of her. She looked into the car and saw a pair of kind blue eyes staring back at her. Doctor Dale. He looked from her to the group of orderly’s running up behind her and approaching her quickly. He sighed and dropped his head, “I’m gonna lose my damn license.”

His head quickly shot up and he opened the door for her.

“Get in.”

Posted in blog, Journal, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing

Right Back Where We Started- Final Chapter

“Does this bar ever look this good? I’ve never been here before, but I definitely want to come back.” Deb asked in total ‘awe’, as you two made your way into the Summer Solstice party.

“Nah, the person who coordinates the parties got to leave early and set all this shit up. Also, I’ve heard the drinks are pretty pricey, but you’re with me so you drink for free tonight.”

“Being friends with you has finally paid off!” Deb teased, as you playfully nudged her.

You both made your way up top to the roof , ordered your  drinks, and leaned against the corner wall.

“So, who can I not sleep with?”

“We have only been here for 5 minutes!” you laughed, almost spitting up your drink.

“Yes, but I always forget how attractive the people you work with are. It’s like everyone who works with you was picked out of a modeling catalog.”

“Your insanity is starting to show, and you haven’t even finished your first drink.”

“Oh, oh! Hot guy coming your way!” Deb squealed, looking down at her feet.

You looked up to see your boss coming your way, and rolled your eyes so hard they almost fell out of your head. “That’s my boss.”

“Well, he’s looking at you like he wants to boss you around tonight.”

“Oh my God, I will pay you to shut up.” you whispered harshly, as Deb almost fell over laughing.

“I’m so glad you both could make it! How’s everything so far?” your boss asked, finally approaching you and Deb, who was still trying to stifle her laugh.

“So far, so good! We haven’t been here long, so I’m blaming you if the food sucks.” Deb teased, straightening up.

“I’ll try to be on my best behavior,” your boss smirked and you wanted nothing more than to exit the conversation “as for you,” he stated turning his attention towards you “I’m glad to see you smiling. I miss seeing it around the office.” he smiled softly at you before leaving.

“What the hell just happened?!” you questioned, shock and confusion written all over your face, as Deb went into another fit of laughter.

“He basically just saved his own ass, as did I. If he flunks out with you, which he most certainly will, he made sure I was interested. If I don’t find anyone that doesn’t bore me, which is yet to be seen, I made sure he’s interested. He definitely is.”

“Do people do this a lot? Has this happened before? I am so confused.”

“You’re so pretty and so stupid. I love you so much.” Deb laughed, wrapping you in a hug. Although the exchanged had opened your eyes to something you had never noticed before, you couldn’t deny that you were having more fun than you had, had in a while.


Deb had left to go flirt some time ago, and you had just been drifting out of different conversations. Julian had text you a few times, but you didn’t wanna answer him while you had a buzz going. Some genius had decided that every time someone yelled ‘Summer Solstice’, everybody needed to drink.

“There you are. Why are you over here be yourself?” your boss slurred, walking over to you, a small grin on his face.

“Oh, this is just me. Same outside of the office as I am inside of it.”

“That’s not very hard for me to believe. Are you having fun?” he asked, leaning very close to you against the wall.

You knew that half the city would sleep with him a heartbeat, you included, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to that point. Not when the only person you wanted, was the one person you told yourself you were better off without.

“I knew this was a waste of my damn time.” you heard a very familiar voice say.

You look around your boss to see Julian stomping off. “Wait!” you called, quickly pushing your boss aside, running the best you could in your current state.

“Julian stop! Please!” you yelled as he reached the stairs leading back downstairs. You heard him huff, but come to a stop none the less.

You both looked at each other and something looked off to you.

“Did you pretend to be a waiter to get into the party?”

“It was the only way I could get it.”


“It’s not like it even matters. You’re clearly moving up and on.”

“That was nothing! I was gonna tell him I’m not interested, cause I’m not. I don’t want him.”


“Don’t do that! I said I don’t want him and I’ve never lied to spare your feelings. I’m not about to start now.” you huffed this time, crossing your arms. You both stood there in silence, not knowing what to say next.

“I sent you flowers. Did you get them?”

“Yeah, I got them.”
“Yet you didn’t answer my texts?”

“I didn’t know what to say last night, and I didn’t want to answer you while I’ve been drinking. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing.”

“Just tell me how you feel. I’m tired of not knowing where I stand with you.”
“You’re tired? That’s rich.”

“Can you not? You get what I’m trying to say.”
“I think you’re an asshole Julian. I think you can be a real self absorbed asshole at times, and you’d rather stomp your feet and raise hell, then just say you’re sorry. You’re really stubborn and that makes it really hard to get anything done. It makes it hard to resolve anything. I know I can be a real bitch but you don’t exactly make me want to be nice. However, you are always there when it matters most. You love me and you pay attention to the small things that really make me smile. I miss you a lot when you’re not around and there’s no one else on earth I’d rather be with. No one else I’d rather fight with. This going to take a lot of work, but it’s work I’m willing to put in if you are.” you finished, with a drunken small smile appearing on your face.

“Hell yeah I’m willing to make it work!” Julian yelled, picking you and kissing you hard on the lips. You hadn’t realized how much you missed him until that moment. His smile, laugh, kiss, touch…everything.

“Does this mean I can go home with your boss?” Deb asked causing you crack up while nodding your head.

“You can bring back whoever you want, I’m moving back home.” you smiled, not breaking your gaze with Julian, who looking back at you with the biggest smile on his face. You couldn’t tell if it was the happiness or the alcohol, but every part of you was finally in agreement: this relationship was gonna work.