Posted in blog, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing

So, That’s What They Meant

Jessi had managed to swindle her way out of going to work. She hadn’t been in the mood anyway, and since she had bulldozed over the strange young man who was oddly kind, she figured she would spend the day showing him around the city.

 

“Do you always take people you’ve just met out on the city?” Dominic asked as they made their way through Central Park.

“You’ve caught me on an off day, which means you’ve caught me on a day that’s good for you. So, where do you hail from?” she asked, before inhaling deeply on her cigarette.

 

“Oh, somewhere far from here. I’m sure you’ve never heard of it.”

 

“Well, you look extremely young. Do your parents at least know where you are?”

 

Dominic laughed at the fact that someone much younger than him was asking whether his parents knew his whereabouts “they know I’ve left, or they should by now. I’m pretty sure they’ve seen it coming for a while.”

 

“Things that bad at home?”

 

“I just can’t be around them. I can’t be someplace where people convince themselves that the wrong thing is right.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“It wouldn’t make sense to you.”

 

“Ouch.”

 

“No, not like that. It’s just…it’s all very complicated. I just hope they’re okay.” he finished

with a heavy sigh.

 

 

“You banished him, Henry! You banished him! Of course he left! You better fix this and bring our son back home!” Dominic’s mother yelled at his father. To say that Dominic’s disappearing act had caused a frenzy was an understatement.

 

“What do you want me to do Yvette? He broke the rules and then then he left stratosphere, illegally. My hands are tied.”

 

“No they are not! You and that board of fools can fix this!”

 

“Yvette-”

 

“No! You punished him for doing the right thing! You all know he was right, and you’re all just mad that he reminded you of your place in all of this! All of you are!”

 

“He can’t-”

 

“You all can’t! You’re trying to make decisions that are high above you! Finally, someone has the courage to stand up to morons and this is what happens! He did the right thing!”

 

“WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!” Henry finally roared.

 

“I want you to fix this. You are the head of the council and you got bullied by a bunch of idiots who want to control everything. Get rid of that council and get our son back. I don’t care how you do it, just get him back.”

 

“Yvette-”

 

“Henry, so help me…get him back here and fix this or I am done.” Yvette calmly stated before storming out of their bedroom.

 

Henry sat on the edge of the bed and held his head in hands. Somehow, the planet and the people he loved more than anything, were all slipping away from him. He couldn’t figure out how things had gotten so bad, but he knew he had to figure out a way to get everything back in order, and he needed to figure it out fast.

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Posted in blog, Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

January 15, 2019

Hello, hello world! Another week means another blog.

I really want to talk about relationships. I feel like I’ve brought it up a lot in the past, but there are a lot of people I see talking about them in the worst way. It scares me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you can’t bring the pain of a past relationship into a new relationship. You can’t blame someone new for the pain someone else brought you.

Rushing into a relationship isn’t only justified by waiting a few short weeks or short months. It can also mean getting into a relationship even when you know that you’re not ready. You can’t rush into something just because you’re lonely. Rushing is rarely ever a good thing. Ease into it and get to know the other person.

See how you feel about yourself around them. If something feels wrong in the beginning, chances are it’ll follow along throughout the relationship. This doesn’t mean to look for perfection in everyone. You’re not perfect and it’s not fair to expect that from someone else. When you click you’ll know.

Also, you need to be able to trust your other half. I’ve seen so many posts lately about how “if you can’t go through their phone, you can’t trust them”, and “if you don’t know all his friends, he’s hiding something.” That’s dumb and it pours into the toxic relationship mentality. Your partner is allowed to have other people in their life, and so are you. You need to trust each other to be good to another, and to be faithful. If you’re with someone you can’t trust, then what’s the point of it?

I’m no relationship expert, I’m still learning myself. I’m just tired of seeing people talk about relationships in a toxic light, because they’re going about it the wrong way. You have to love yourself, trust your judgement, love your partner, and trust them too. That’s all I have for today and I hope it helps someone.

Posted in blog, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing

Try, Try, Try Again

Jessi stormed into her apartment and slammed the door behind her. She wasn’t even sure why she was so angry, but she was. She plopped down on her sofa and threw her cellphone down on the coffee table. ‘Why does he always have to be right? About every damn thing?’ she thought to herself. As she turned on the TV and flipped through the channels for something mind numbing, she couldn’t help but replay the last conversation between her and Tim in her head:

 

“You get hurt a few times and you just start looking for reasons to leave someone. How are you supposed to have anything real if all you ever do is runaway?!” he yelled, standing in front of her to keep her from leaving.

“Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s not real!”

“How can anyone like this? You open up, stay the night, disappear for weeks, then come back whenever you feel like it.”

“It’s not like you ever turn me away!”

“You’re right and you know what? That’s my fault because I expect so much from you. I make excuses for your shitty behavior and then get mad when you continue to do the same shit to me that you always do. One day you’re gonna do this shit and I’m not gonna take you back.”

“Fine, leave like everyone else that’s-”

“Don’t you dare do that! Don’t you make this my fault! I’m not going to wait around for you to grow up. You can’t keep toying with someone until you decide you’re actually ready.”

“Whatever Tim. I’m leaving and you can do whatever the hell makes you happy.”

“Jess, I swear to God. I’m done chasing you this time. If you go then that’s it. I mean it.”

“Then I guess this is goodbye!” she exclaimed with raised eyebrows before storming out of his apartment.

 

Why did she have to be like that? Why couldn’t she just let the person she unwillingly fell in love with love her back? That argument happened two months ago. Tonight, while she’s on a date with someone else, she sees him with another woman. Now she’s pissed and alone in her own apartment. She hadn’t even bothered to say goodbye to her date. She just left. No sooner had she started off on her anger fueled walk back to her apartment but her phone started going off. Texts from him. She put her phone on silent and let herself fall asleep to the sound of Marge yelling at Homer.

 

When she woke up, the sun seemed to have settled directly above her face, and her back hurt from the position she slept in. She took her phone off of the coffee table and checked it: 6 unread text messages, 2 missed calls, and the 1 voice mail. She wasn’t sure if she was avoiding her mother, or her fake ex-boyfriend.

 

As she got ready for what she was sure would be a long day, she couldn’t shake her irritation. She did this to herself and had no one else to be angry with. He told her he wouldn’t wait for her, and she was selfish to be angry with him about a mess she created. She decided that music on the walk to work would be the best thing for her. She locked up her apartment and started on her walk. She paid no attention to anyone around her, only focused on the music blasting in her ears and her destination. Jessi made her way around the corner quicker than she intended and ran into an innocent looking stranger at full speed.

 

“What the hell?!” Jessi yelled as one of her ear buds came out of her ear.

 

She looked down to see a guy who looked as disheveled as she felt on the inside.

 

“Oh my God! Are you okay? I’m so sorry!” she said, suddenly feeling awful and helping the young man up.

 

“It’s alright. I’m confused anyway haha. Maybe you’ve helped turn me in the right direction!”

“I would’ve liked to do it in a way that’s not so painful. You don’t sound like you’re from here.”

“Haha, no you caught me. I just landed.”

“Well, welcome to New York. My name is Jessi, yours?”

“Dominic. Nice to meet you.” he smiled at her.

Posted in blog, Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized, Writing

January 9, 2019

Hello, hello and welcome to another episode of ‘Alyssa’s Wonderful World!’

I hope everyone’s 2019 is off to a good start and that they’re still trying to stick to their New Year resolution (do people still do those?). As long as you don’t try to tackle everything at once, and you remember that all good things take time, there’s no reason you can’t succeed at whatever it is you’re trying to do. Also, keep in mind that just because things don’t end up the way you imagine, does not mean that you have failed in any way.

That’s something that I’m trying to remind myself of everyday. When I woke up on New Years day, I automatically felt stressed out about the year that lay ahead of me. Well, that and I was still incredibly drunk. However, I took a deep breath and after a few moments I forced myself to realize that I’m being ridiculous. The year has just started and I have no clue what’s in store. Why am I constantly betting against myself?

Me being afraid of things doesn’t mean that I can’t overcome my fears. Me being afraid of branching out doesn’t mean I never will. Lastly, me dealing with anxiety and depression doesn’t mean that it’s defeated me. The reason I haven’t pursued so many things is because I count myself out before I give myself a fair chance. This year that all stops.

Things are not always perfect, but just because things go differently, doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It doesn’t mean I’ve failed. Let this year be the start of the way we change our outlook of things. We change the outlook of ourselves. This year we all need to truly stick to the motto: “if you did your best, you didn’t fail.” Just because one door closed doesn’t mean a million more can’t open.

Posted in blog, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing

Unbalanced

Hello! I’ve decided I want to start posting short stories on here, so here goes the first one! I hope you all enjoy it!

________________________________________________________________________________

He sat in the hallway of the chamber room, waiting to sit with the council so he would be told his verdict. This was his third time in those halls in two months. He didn’t necessarily mean to cause trouble, but he felt it was his right to protect the freewill of others. Especially when others didn’t know their freewill was being challenged.

The chamber doors opened and he turned to his right, to see his mother. She gave him a mournful look and beckoned him in.

“It’s time, Dominick,” she said softly.

Dominick sighed and slowly made his way into the chamber room. He was met by the 12 angry faces of the council.

‘I managed to get all 12 this time,’ he thought to himself, ‘I’ve really made a mess of it this time.’

He made his way to the front, hands behind his back, and tried to think of a way out the mess he had created this time.

“Dominick Fairlawn, you stand accused of destroying the Time Tower again. How do you plead?” the bailiff called out, not even bothering to look at the accused. The last time they saw each other didn’t end on friendly terms.

“I wouldn’t necessarily say I destroyed the time tower. It just needs a bit of repairs. It’ll be fine.”

“Dominic-”

“Father, I-”

The head councilman cleared his throat and Dominic rolled his eyes.

“Your Excellency, no one was injured and nothing was destroyed-”

“You’ve interrupted the works of the high council AGAIN!” another councilman roared.

“That’s because the high council is wrong!” Dominic shouted back.

The chamber fell silent and Dominic sighed.

“You can’t just screw with the timeline and history of humans because you don’t like the way things have gone.” he said plainly.

“Dominic, these rules are put in place for a reason. The humans don’t know what’s good for them. We have to intervene.” his father, the highest councilman, said in a pleading tone.

“It’s not up to you to decide what’s good for them or not. They have to go through these horrible things, because unfortunately for them that’s the only way they learn. You can’t just change the course of things or events in history because you all think it’s best.”

“Dominic, for the millionth time, that’s is why we exist.” a council woman sighed, annoyed that he couldn’t seem to grasp that.

“No, we exist to help those in dire need. People who need to see things from a different point of view. Somewhere along the way, you decided to take matters into your own hands. I can’t sit by and watch you all continue to screw with the hands of time.” Dominic stated in a defiant voice of defeat.

“We have a set of rules in place because the human race doesn’t know what’s good for them, whether you agree or not they don’t know what’s in their best interest. We make these choices so they can avoid unnecessary pain.” his Father stated, head in his hands.

“People need to pain to learn and to grow. You told me that.”

“Yes, but not every pain is a necessary one! That’s what we’re here for!”

“If you wanna take away unnecessary pain, erase bell-bottoms.”

“Dominic-”

“Those were awful.”

“Enough!” the junior councilman called.

Dominic never understood why they had a junior councilman because they always looked as old as the highest councilman.

“Now,” the junior councilman started “your father has been protecting you for too long. You’ve been pulling these hi-jinks and threatening our kind for long enough. You’re an adult and you will be treated as such. You are sentenced to 12 years in banishment for your crimes.” He finished sternly.

Dominic looked to his father with pleading eyes, but he just looked away. Dominic knew he had broken the code a lot, but he didn’t think his latest action had called for this. He looked over to his mother who just sobbed quietly. He had really done it this time.

The gavel hit the hard wood signaling that the hearing was over. The bailiff came over and took him by the arm, leading him towards the exit and into the pod that would take him to building to decide which realm he would be banished to.

He looked back to the chamber house one last time, before being loaded into the pod and being sent on his way. The entire trip he kept wondering if all of the chaos caused was worth it, and no matter what argument he made he couldn’t come to regret his decision. They finally arrived to the transportation center and he started to become of worry. Banishment to any of the realms was awful, but they’re levels worse than the others.

As they made their way down the halls, Dominic thought of something that may or may not have been his best idea ever. He knew that he would be risking everything to do it, but he wasn’t about to get sent away for sticking up for what was right. He elbowed his security guard and dodged the bailiff and broke off into a spring down the hall and making a right. A tear came to his eye as he realized he was making a permanent change to his life, but he didn’t see any other way.

He hopped into an available pod and immediately sealed it. He set in the coordinates for Earth, and prayed that the people he constantly risked everything for would be worth all of this. He knew the penalty for leaving for Earth without permission was exile, but this was his best bet. He closed his eyes and hit the button for take off, praying that someday his parents would forgive him.

Posted in blog, Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

January 3, 2019

Hello, hello, hello and welcome to 2019!

This year I want everyone to focus on bettering themselves; myself included. This blog has mainly been about me dealing with my anxiety and depression, and I’m still going to discuss that, but I want to talk about the things I want to accomplish and the risks I want to take. Not just me though, I want everyone to comment on the things they want to accomplish this year.

You can leave comments or send me messages about the things you look forward to achieving this year. I want this blog to be encouraging to everyone and to uplift. Whether it’s personal, business, friendships, or just something random that you want to accomplish, I want to hear about it. I want this blog to be a big help for everyone.

There’s nothing too big or small to set as a goal and I’m tired of all the negativity that’s always clouding the TV, radio, and internet. I want there to be a positive space for everyone to feel like they’re supported, and that’s what I want this blog to be. I hope you all enjoy some of the changes I’ll be adding to this blog, and that you’ll keep following along with me.

Happy New Year!

Posted in blog, Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

December 31, 2018

Hello everyone and welcome to the final day of 2018, thank God.

I just wanted to make this final blog to, once again, thank you all for your support. I also want to thank everyone who had stood by me this year, even when I made it difficult. 2018 taught me a lot about love, patience, understanding, and true friendship. I fought a lot of battles, lost a lot of friends, cried a lot of tears, and felt a lot of despair.

I also laughed a lot, found new meaning in the things I lost hope in, learned to forgive myself, and learned what it truly means to believe in myself. It’s something I definitely could not have done on my own or without the love and support of those around me. I finally started taking care of myself and realized that it isn’t selfish. I can’t give my time to everyone and none to myself.

I don’t have to go to every party, I don’t have to answer every text or phone call, and I can take days for myself. Wanting the best for and loving yourself isn’t selfish. You don’t get angry with a flower for taking it’s time to flourish, so why on earth would you be angry with yourself for doing the same?

I hope that in 2019 you take the time you need to love yourself. Remove yourself from things that are not good for you, remove people who are not cheering for you, and remember to take it all one day at a time. Nobody can love you like you and it’s a daily learning process. Be kind to yourself and be kind to one another.

Have a happy and safe New Year.

Posted in blog, Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

December 18, 2018

Hello everyone and Happy Holidays!

I want to start this post by thanking all of you who take the time to read this blog. It isn’t always easy for me to post some of the things I write about, and sometimes it isn’t easy for me to post anything at all. As some of you may know, especially those of you who have been following me from the beginning, I’m trying to rebuild myself. While I know no one can ever truly escape all of their negative traits, I want to get rid of as many as I can. Especially the parts that tell me not to love myself.

I’ve always tried to be as open and honest as possible with this blog, no matter how painful or how bad it may make me look. Thank you for going on this journey with me and helping me grow. Whether you leave comment of encouragement, or just read along silently; thank you.

The next thing I wanted to say is, please be kind this holiday season. I believe we should be kind to one another whenever we have the chance, but especially during the holidays. It’s incredibly easy to get caught up in the commercialism, and the need to out do your fellow person. It’s easy to take this time of year for granted. However, not everyone looks upon the holiday with glee, and not everyone enjoys the holidays.

For some, this is the roughest time of the year. Some are lonely, some are depressed, some are without, and so many other things. It never hurts to check on family and friends, or just to help out someone in need. It doesn’t take much to say a kind word. Always be the best you, you can be even when you don’t feel like it. You never know how far it can go.

With all of this being said, I’d like to wish you all a Happy Holidays (again), and a healthy and safe New Year!

If you or someone you is having thoughts of suicide, please reach out to the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

Posted in blog, Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

November 30, 2018

Hello world, it’s been a bit crazy around here, but I didn’t want another week to go by without a post.

There’s something I’ve been noticing more and more and it’s really been bothering me. When a child or young adult tells you that they’re stressed out or they’ve been withdrawn or moody, don’t write it off as them “coming of age” or them being too sensitive. People always talk about how much children matter and how much their voices need to be heard, but when they speak up everyone is so quick to quiet them.  You can’t silence or dismiss people who you think should be happy because they’re young. 

When I was younger and people would ask me how I’m doing and how I’m feeling, and I would tell them that I was tired or stressed out, the most common response I would get is “you’re too young to be tired” or “you don’t know what real stress is”, as if age had anything to do with it. When I became withdrawn and started becoming a ‘D’ student instead of the ‘A’ or ‘B’student I usually was, everyone thought I was just acting out. I was pulling my hair out and crying constantly which was attributed to my changing hormones.

Now, I’m 25 years old with anxiety and depression, and everyone is wondering why I didn’t speak up sooner. They swear they never saw any signs. The signs were there but no one was listening. It wasn’t just hell for me, it was hell for my family as well. For YEARS there was so much anger and confusion because when they finally wanted to listen, I was tired of talking and they didn’t know what to do. 

Young adults and children will only be willing to open for so long  before they get tired of being shut down and dismissed. Stop waiting for something traumatic to happen and listen the first time. You really don’t know or truly understand how much it will help in the long run. 

Posted in blog, Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

November 13, 2018

Hello all, welcome to the wonderful world of Tuesday.

Please remember to cherish your significant other. I know it’s scary to let someone in and love them with all of you, but it is truly and totally worth it. You can’t hold your new love accountable for something your old love did, and then get upset when the relationship doesn’t last. That’s not how these things work. Every relationship is a lesson, no matter good or bad, and you’re supposed to learn from every lesson.

Not everyone is trash, you just had a bad experience with a shit person. We’ve all been there but you can’t just shut down. I know a lot of people, myself included, who would have missed out on amazing people because bad past relationships. You have to meet every relationship with an open mind and a true fresh start.

Also, there’s no problem with giving yourself time. It’s okay to be single and get to know yourself. There’s no need to jump into a relationship RIGHT AFTER you got out of a previous one. You can’t heal if you keep opening the wound. Yes, being single can be lonely, but it teaches you so much about yourself, and you fall in love with yourself all over again.

If you’re putting yourself in a new relationship just to get over a previous relationship, that’s not fair to you or the person you’re with. Listen, this blog isn’t to preach at anyone, it’s just a general observation that started with myself and how I was dealing with relationships, and spread to how I noticed most people are viewing these things. Love, in all forms, is truly beautiful and you shouldn’t miss out on it because someone else was a jerk to you. If someone is genuine with their intentions, they’re making a real effort to love you, and they’re actually dedicated, don’t screw that up. Don’t make them pay for someone else’s mistake, or your own mistakes.