I let people walk all over me. Not intentionally but it still happens. I care too much and I’m the only one who is hurting in the end. So what do I do? I shut down. Why? Because I figure it’ll be less madness. I’m coming to find that this only makes it worse. People get mad saying “you don’t care about me anymore” and “I thought we were friends” and so on. Of course I say why I do it but as always it’s my fault. So, now I’m just trying to keep my head above water and that’s not working either. With hell coming at me in every direction it’s much easier to just let yourself sink.
But I’m not going to let that happen again. I’ve been down that road and it’s a hard thing to recover from. Cutting never helped me solve anything and running away only made it all worse because when I finally came back all the nonsense I was trying to leave was there waiting for me. So, the only solution now is to be more assertive. How to do that? I don’t really know. People are so use to me not sticking up for myself that when I do they don’t take me seriously so I guess it’s just time to start letting people go. I hate doing it but it’s the only way to make things better.
I’m done letting people run me down and kill the best parts of me. The only way I can make myself better is if I let go of all the negativity around me and in my life. If that means saying goodbye to those I care about most then so be it. I’m done crying over things and people I can’t change. In the words of Dr. Seuss “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”.