I’m at this bump in the road and I hate it. I also can’t get around it. I don’t know what’s up with me, but I’m just in this funk this week. I feel better for a little then they tiniest thing sets me off. I just want to start my life all over and figure where, how, and when things got so wrong. I used to be this happy person twenty-four seven. Now the only time I’m not angry, sad, or upset is when I’m out of the house. I’m not bipolar I’ve just been screwed over one too many times. I don’t trust easily, I can’t take a compliment, my self-esteem has been shot to hell…I really think I just need to shake this town for a while.
Where the hell am I suppose to go? Do I go out-of-state or out country? Do I drive around for a year and just come back when I’m ready?I second guess myself about everything at this point. What I was once so sure of I am conflicted about now. It’s irritating to be so scared. I know what everyone is thinking “just take the jump. Even if you crash at least you can say you tried”. Well, if I crash I have to come home and if I come back I’ll never hear the end of it. It’ll be something else I failed at. That list seems to be growing daily. I don’t want to be someone that everyone else can be proud of. I want to be someone I can be proud of.
Next week will be a fresh start. Something good has to work out. Yes, when I say that I truly believe it. I refuse to give up because I’m better than that. I’ll figure something out and make this work. This is just another test that’s being thrown my way. In time things will sort themselevs out or I’ll make them work out. I don’t expect things to be better in a matter of weeks but I do expect a better attitude from myself. Next week will be positive posts! 🙂