Starting this post off by saying I sang a baby to sleep and I feel accomplished about that! Okay, now that is out-of-the-way… hey guys. Today was pretty boring to, but that’s my fault. I was supposed to wake up early to go driving, but I decided to sleep in because sleep is what makes the world go round. I will be up early tomorrow though. Oh, how I love to drive. In January when I get my license there will be no stopping me. Tomorrow is gonna be a busy day though. My dad has a show and that always causes excitement in the house. Woop woop!!
It’s also getting colder and all the clothes I thought were warm are failing me. Doesn’t stop me from loving winter most :). Anyway, off of my winter loving -_- I’ve been doing a lot of…soul searching (if you wanna call it that) and I think I’m starting to untangle all the knots. I trust who I want not who I should which is starting to clear up some things. The only person in my life right now that I should trust and I do is my boyfriend. He is the only person who has repeatedly shown me that I should trust him. No, he is by no means perfect but at least he’s honest and that’s all I’ve ever wanted from anyone. That’s probably why we work. Not even speaking relationship wise. Friendship wise. We are just ourselves with each other and there’s no pressure to put on or anything. He is the one person I am the most comfortable with.
Also, I need to stop paying attention to the world. Yes, the world. I’m so sick of all the bullshit that’s out there that people just shrug off and say ‘okay’ to until something horrible happens. Then everyone wants to be up in arms. That’s not okay and it’s not the way things should work. I used to stand up for what I believe in and to an extent I still do but not as much as I should. For some reason I always hear the little voice in my head that says “better not let everyone know you feel that way. It might rub some people the wrong way”. Why the hell does that matter? I don’t care if certain people get irritated with what I have to say. If I’m not proud of myself at the end of the day apparently I’m doing something wrong.
I don’t know. I just want to be the girl I was in sixth grade (subtract all the self-mutilation and drinking). At least I had some perspective and I did things because I wanted to impress others. I did things for me and to help others. Instead of bitching about the problems I want to be apart of solving the problems. I’ve never been an ‘ordinary’ or ‘normal’ girl so I see no reason to start now. It’s just waste of time and I’m in skin I’m not comfortable in. I know I can get myself together and I will get myself together.
P.S. hey guys because I love you so much and you love me can you leave a comment?? please?? it’ll make me smile like LOTS! 😀