I don’t think people understand how much it takes to be truly kind. It’s so easy to just push people away and decide to not like someone or to even hate them, but to love…truly love. People don’t get that. At least not anymore. It’s not easy to open yourself up to others and love unconditionally and to take risks. I honestly don’t think there’s anything harder. Why are people so afraid? Why is it that they’d rather spend so much time and effort on other things that don’t really matter than just do things that will help change the world? Help change people? People just quit.
I don’t want to be like that. I don’t know if that makes me brave or stupid. I know it means that I’ll get hurt a lot but I don’t care. I just want to help. If that means that I have to go through some hardships then fine. It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. I just want things to get better. I’ve lost too many friends to suicide and I have too many friends who think that people just don’t care about them. This is a trend that should have never started and I want to help end it. What’s the point of all this (life) if we’re not doing anything positive? It’s all just a waste. These days almost everyone only cares about personal and gain and it just breaks my heart.
I just want to see people become better. I want to see this world become better. I just want better. I don’t know. That’s what’s on my mind. Thought I’d share it with you guys. Just like I share everything else. Anyway. Hey guys. Today was just there. Didn’t do much of anything. Went to the park and got on the swings. I listen to Metal while I’m on the swings. Is that weird? Oh, well. It’s not going to change anytime soon. That was the highlight of my day though. The swings. The swings make everything better.
I want to go back to last night. That was perfect, fun, alive. I never seem to do anything that makes me feel alive these days. Last night was a good…jolt? That’s probably not the right word. But it perfect none the less. I was happy. I was out with my parents and I was happy. That was the best part. Everyone looks at my family when we all go out and they think we’ve got it all together. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. It’s much better than it was before and it took us a while to get to this place. We’ll probably ne ver be as happy as we could be but I’m comfortable with where we’re at now. At least I am anyway.
Today was just a thinking day. Thinking days aren’t so bad anymore. They’re quite helpful actually. They help me plan things out and plan my next step. I know everyone is thinking ‘well that’s what thinking is supposed to do Lyssa.’ Well, I don’t have thinking days like everyone else sassy pants. All in all today was a good day. I wish they’d stop screwing around the road in front of my house, but it was still a good day. Let’s see what wonders tomorrow brings, shall we?