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October 15, 2012

Okay I need help so please reply back in the comment section with advise please? A solution (though I don’t think that’s possible)? Have you ever been stuck? Better yet have you ever been torn? The one thing that you want to do that would make you so happy would hurt everyone else? Not anything bad, but just growing up. Being on your own and making your own choices. How do you do that without being hurtful or disrespectful? I’m trying to just hold my tongue and be patient, but this just isn’t working anymore. I can feel my sanity going and I’m freaking out. I want to just fix everything and make it okay but I don’t know how or if I even can. I just need help. I’m so lost.

Anyway, hey. Today was pretty great. I needed a girls day out and to just talk. There’s no one to talk to in here. Sounds sad, but it’s the truth. Talk here and you get judged and I really don’t need that shit. ANYWAY (In the words of Mr. Turner ‘Lost the happy! But the happy’s back!) I had fun. I laughed hard and for a while I didn’t even know problems existed. Sang like an idiot to all the songs I like that came on the radio and ate like the piggy I am (now that I have a somewhat steady job I can do that :)) and shopped. And by shopped I mean I bought a charm bracelet. Came home and watched Cinderella.

All in today was pretty great. Until I was home and by myself and had time to think and realise that I don’t what the hell I’m doing anymore. I’m so scared of my parents. I have no clue why. I mean I can stick up to them about a lot of things but when it comes to certain things my words get stuck and my tongue won’t move. I just know I need to break out of here before it’s too late. I guess I’ll end the night by watching Gregory Peck films until I fall asleep. Yes, that seems like the right thing to do. What shall we start off with? ROMAN HOLIDAY!!! (a personal favorite in case you couldn’t tell.) So, yeah please just leave me with some advise or something to help me out. It would mean a lot. Thanks.

Until Later,


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November 14, 2012

So remember last night when I was all ‘tomorrow will be better yippe!’? Yeah, I lied. Not on purpose but it was a lie. Oh well. Life happens. I’m getting to the point where I really just don’t care anymore. Maybe that’s maybe it’s bad. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see won’t we? I’m not too concerned with all that anyway. I should be, but I’m not. I don’t know. After being hurt so much things just don’t seem to matter anymore. I hate it but it’s not like feeling anything is making me feel any better.

TOMORROW I START CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!!!! That’s keeping a smile on my face. I LOVE Christmas (as I stated in my previous post). Besides that nothing else is happening. Same bullshit fights different beautiful day. I am my own worst enemy. I let myself fall into these depression fits, push everyone away, and just stay there for a while. Drowning in depression is a lot easier than trying to fight your way out of it, And we hurt the ones we love most because we know they’ll always be there at the end of the day. Whatever. I’m just taking it all one day at a time. I have no choice. As I’ve said before, some days are good and some days are bad.

I feel like I’m rambling at this point so I’m just going to go to sleep at this point. Yes, I know it’s early but crying is really starting to piss me off and it’s not like I need anything else stressing me out. Tomorrow will be spent with Angela so that should help some. Good friends make for a good day at least 60% of the time. That is all for now. Ta-ta.

Until Later,


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November 13, 2012…part 2

You know how you can be so happy then all of a sudden old feelings come back out of nowhere and make you feel like crap? Yeah, that’s what I’m dealing with right now. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me right now. Maybe I just need to be committed. Seriously. My mood swings are screwing me and everyone else over. Today wasn’t all that bad either. I’ll just start all over tomorrow. That’s all I can do anyway. Just push forward and hope for a brighter day. It’s still irritating though.

Sometimes I wish I could just disappear. Find out who would really miss me and just get away from all the bullshit. Even if only for a day. I just care too much and I really wish I didn’t. No one seems to appreciate it and I guess that’s because after a while I just get annoying. I don’t mean to I just do. I’m just going to take a vow of silence forever. Can’t hurt anyone or can’t get hurt if I don’t say anything right? I know that’s stupid but right now I’m just feel like I’m failing everything and everyone. I can’t seem to do anything right anymore and I feel like I’m failing everyone I care about. I really don’t know guys.

ANYWAY. Nothing really happened today. Slept in today and I have no idea why. Went to the bank, applied to Raritan and that’s about it. Yeah, my life is boring haha. Tomorrow…oh, how I’m hoping for a better tomorrow. I know you guys are too so you guys can have a more exciting post. Sorry sorry sorry. I’m too familiar with that damn word.

Until Later,


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November 13, 2012

Hey guys! Remember me? Sorry I haven’t been on so long. Being lazy and hiding from whatever the hell was bothering came creeping back into my life and while it was fun for a while it’s over now. I need to get back into the swing of the things because going backwards never led towards anything good. So let’s see what have I been up to??? I finally got a job *insert ‘yays’ and ‘woo hoos’ here*. I work Friday and Saturday so expect little to no posts those days. Sorry guys Dx. My relationship has been getting better though. It’s not one hundred percent better, but we’re working on it and that’s all that matters.

I want too much at once and he just isn’t used to a regular relationship, but we both want this to work more than anything so we’re giving it all we have. He means too much to me to just give up so easily. Other than those two things everything is pretty much still the same. Still staying strong and just trying to make it through the days here. Everyone here has just given up and I can’t allow that. I can’t allow it and I won’t. I have too much life left in me to just quit now. My grandmother has a way of making everyone hate themselves and their lives. I’m just through paying attention to her. All she does is complain and hurt others. I don’t need that in my life so at certain times I just shut down. I know it’s wrong but for right now it’s helping me to just push forward to another day.

Christmas time is coming which means Christmas shoppong starts now. I really hate long lines and I want my picture with Santa this year dammit. I didn’t get it last year but I WILL get it this year >:). Yes I did completely just skip over Thanksgiving, but that’s because I hate Thanksgiving. I hate turkey, I hate that every year I somehow manage to mess up the apple pie (every year except this year!), and I hate that Black Friday comes next. Plus the dumb dog show. All the unwanted left overs. I just don’t like Thanksgiving. Christmas however I LOVE. Not because I get presents, but because I love seeing the looks on people’s faces when I give them their’s. Plus, all the movies and love that seems to go around. That’s right I’m a sucker. OH WELL!

That’s all for now. There will be another post laterrrrrr 🙂

Until Later,


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Tremonti | Manchester Academy | 18 October 2012

Supported by Madison State. Excellent local band, we’ll be seeing them again! Tremonti were awesome, even though every song is detuned Soooo low, it was still a great sound down in the mosh-pit! He played every track off the new album, including 2 that didn’t make it:

Leave it Alone
Giving Up
So You’re Afraid
Doesn’t Matter
Wish You Well
All I Was
You Waste Your Time
All That I’ve Got
The Things I’ve Seen
New Way Out


Back in February 2013 apparently…

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Suicide Silence frontman Mitch Lucker killed in motorcycle crash


Mitch Lucker, the frontman of American Metal band Suicide Silence has died at the age of 28 after sustaining major injuries in a motorcycle accident on Wednesday in Huntington Beach, California. He was transported to the University of California Irvine Medical Center where he was pronounced dead on Thursday morning, the Chicago Tribute has confirmed.

A statement released by the band reads on their Facebook Page: “There’s no easy way to say this. Mitch passed away earlier this morning from injuries sustained during a motorcycle accident. This is completely devastating to all of us and we offer our deepest condolences to his family. He will be forever in our hearts. R.I.P. Mitchell Adam Lucker. We love you, brother.”

Nuclear Blast, the band’s record label have also released the following statement on their Facebook Page: “Nuclear Blast would like to offer our condolences to his family, friends, band members and…

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Bit late but I thought I should post a post out there about Mitch Lucker

Hard Bark On The Family Tree

Im sure you all know by now.

Mitch Lucker (singer from Suicide Silence) sadly passed away on November 1st after a fatal motorbike crash on Halloween.

I was never a fan of the band, but he was a HUGE tattoo inspiration to me, and from what I’ve read from thousands of fans out there… one has a bad word to say about him. He was a truly down-to-earth guy. Passionate about his music and fans.

My heart goes out to his family, friends, wife and daughter Kenadee.

I know that  Jolie is distraught and that Kenadee still doesnt know whats going on. She keeps asking for her daddy to come and sing he to sleep…

Let this be a lesson



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I officially am completely ashamed to live in this world. I am beyond pissed off. Honestly. So, Mitch Lucker died 2 days ago right? It’s awful. It’s completely horrible. But, what’s even worst is the One Direction Fans who are taking things way too far. Not only have they been saying Mitch “deserved to die,” because he was “emo,” but now they are saying Kenadee deserves to die. Not only to die, but to kill herself. Kenadee Lucker is a beautiful little girl. She is FIVE YEARS OLD. Five. Her dad, her best friend, her everything, died 2 days ago. And now people on Twitter are saying things like


honestly? What makes you think that it would EVER be okay to tell a FIVE YEAR OLD to kill herself? I can’t even believe people can be so disrespectful and disgusting.

I don’t even listen to Suicide Silence’s music. But I know Mitch…

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Mitch Lucker

Okay so what the fuck? People are going around saying that Mitch deserved to die and his five-year old daughter should kill herself. What is happening to the world? Why is it okay for people to just say this shit? He was a great man who inspired a lot of people so why all the hate? I never listened to a lot of SS but I can tell he meant a lot to his fans and I can see that he really loved his daughter. He was a total sweetheart and people are talking trash. Why is it that people just love to tear people down even when they are at their lowest point? Shouldn’t we be trying to build each other up? What else needs to happen for people to see that words hurt and can bring others down? This is just really low and pisses me off.

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Day (327) – Playin’ It Safe

The Better Man Project ™



I have to say, I really think playing it safe is not the way to go. Not because there aren’t moments where you really have to take care of yourself, but in a general attitude point of view. There is this old saying that says that a ship is safe in the harbor…but that’s not what ships are made for. Let yourself set out to the dangerous seas which are your life and open the sails. Tie down the ropes and move. Move towards the edge because that is where your limits live. Right at the edge. You will know it when you get there because this little thing called fear pops into your mind. You will hear your mind start to chatter a million miles a second. This is a good sign. Keep moving forward.

The message is really short today. You were built to do amazing…

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