Hello world. How are you? Are you lovely? I hope so. I hope you’re doing way better and feeling much better than I am. That would be awesome. I’m stuck at a crossroad and I don’t know what to do. That’s nothing new right? I haven’t even taken the test I need to take so I am for sure in for Raritan. I don’t even wanna go to college. My mom wants me to go and won’t leave me alone about it. I hate it. I don’t know. Aren’t you suppose to go after what you want in life? Go after YOUR dreams and do what YOU want? Follow YOUR heart? No one seems to get that anymore.
I want to have my own place by Summer (I feel like I told you guys this already). Washington D.C. has apartments starting at $600 a month, but I’m hoping to get a place in China town with some friends. I’m just ready to be on my own. I’m so sick of putting up with shit from everyone else. Asking if I can go out, being told I’m too young for a tattoo, and too young to take the train on my own. I’m nineteen. When will I be old enough? It’s ridiculous. I’m just sick of going through the same shit and not getting anywhere with them. Don’t they ever get tired of fighting? God knows I do.
This relationship is failing. Failing miserably. Isn’t dating your best friend suppose to be easy? I thought wrong. Somewhere we went wrong. He changed on me. Maybe I’m just expecting too much. I don’t know but I just want to cry all the time. I’m pretty sure the crying isn’t suppose to be happening all the time, like this, and hurting so much. Everything just hurts and I don’t want to do this anymore. We haven’t even spoken in two days and our anniversary is on Friday.
I’m trying to keep my head above water but the pressure just keeps pushing me down. Drowning is the easy part. Breathing…that’s the hardest part. Tomorrow is a new day and a new chance. Something’s gotta give…right?