Hey guys! Miss me? I didn’t forget and I didn’t die. I’ve just been busy with college…and being manically depressed. Nothing new there. However, college is done now and I’m not going back. That was possibly the worst idea my parents had in a while. I’m just going to focus on getting my books done and out.
In other news: I am moving out and away. Boyfriend and I have decided to say “goodbye” to long-distance and hello to “together forever”. Which has made everything in this so called family stressful. Everyone keeps trying to get me to change my mind and since I won’t everyone keeps telling me I’m wrong and I’m not thinking clearly. Everyday and everything is an argument and I’m reaching my breaking point. Honestly, I’m just done with them when it comes to this.
I always try my hardest to do whatever I can to make them happy and when I finally decide to take a stand for myself and do something that’ll make me truly happy everyone gives me shit. So far I’m a bad Christian, I’m air-headed, I’m close minded, stubborn, and of course: wrong. My sister will barely talk to me, my parents spend everyday naming new reasons why I shouldn’t do it, and almost the people I thought were my real friends have ditched me completely. This has gone from being the happiest moment in my life to the worst and I just want July to get here so I can get this over with.
Also, my boyfriend/fiance has become an ass for some reason. I’m not sure why. He does this every summer. He makes new friends and just neglects that I exist. I honestly just don’t know. Maybe, as usual, everything is my fault and I’m asking for too much. Everything has honestly just become so complicated since we’ve decided to do this, and I’m getting tired of everyone’s bullshit. Even when I’m finally and truly happy about something people find a way to shit on it. I’ve reached shut down mode and I just don’t wanna talk to anyone anymore about anything. I’m just going to curl up into a ball until July is here. I don’t want this to separate my family, but if it does, it does.
Who knows? Maybe this will all blow over. I want this all to blow over. I need this all to blow over. I’m positive it will. It’s always darkest just before the dawn, and without the dark the stars can’t shine.