My best friend and I always seem have to deep talks at night. I feel like I can tell her anything and it’s one of the times I’m most honest. I guess my thing for this year is honesty cause I haven’t been honest with myself in a long time.
Why is it that some truths are harder to swallow than others? It’s not like we can erase the past or change things around but somethings are just harder to accept than others. My past is filled with so many nightmares and yet sometimes when I hear others talk to me about it I wanna tell them that it’s just not true because it’s so much easier to say that than to actually think about what actually happened.
As crappy as some of the things I’ve are that I’ve had to deal with I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s all shaped me into the person I am today; the good and the bad. Still, sometimes I just want to tear myself out of my skin and run until I’m someone new. Someone who doesn’t have to deal with the horrors and pain from what was. Sometimes I wish I could be who I am now without all of the things I had to deal with.
I can’t hide from the scars, I can’t erase the memories, and I can’t change my life to the fairy tale I’ve always wanted it to be. So, why can’t I just accept things as they are and let them shape me into something positive? I’ve been running for so long and I’m so tired, but it seems like no matter how hard I’ve tried to stop I just can’t. Sometimes I don’t think there will ever be a time when I just quit and accept things as they are. Other times I hope that, that day is just in reach. I can tell you one thing for certain: you will never do anything more tiring than trying to run from things that you can never change.
‘Euphoria’s gone. It’s time to move on. We can’t be the same old thing. I have to believe we can change’