Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

February 23, 2016

Hello all.

Has anyone figured out this whole “being an adult” thing life makes us do? If anyone has any tips feel free to let me know, because I feel like it’s a never ending road of “uhhh..what?” and occasionally doing something right.

It sucks because it doesn’t matter  how hard you, you can still fail. There’s no right or wrong way to do any of this and that’s the scariest part…or at least it’s the scariest part to me. Teachers tell you what you need to do to make it in this world and teach you a bunch of stuff (useful and non-useful), your parents try their hardest to instill you with best knowledge they can, and just to be extra safe you go through over priced schooling to make sure you get your foot in the door.

All of this and sometimes it still isn’t enough.

So, you can be like me and make your own path. Problem is I’m hard headed and don’t have a clue as to what I’m doing. I’m just trying to get from one place to another, while living with this crippling fear that my next move will be the wrong one.

I’m 22 and attempting to work on my second book (even though the first one barely sold), taking my first real steps to get my own place, trying to have a social life, keep a job (soon to be two jobs) and somewhere in it all have time for just me. How do you do it? Does it all just get easier at some point? I know we’re supposed to do more than live, work, and die but at the moment that’s all it feels like I’m doing.

It gets better I know and I need to be patient but I can’t lie. A cheat sheet would be greatly appreciated.

 

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

February 14, 2016

I’m honestly starting to wonder if I’ll ever get past this feeling.

I’m so tired and stressed out all the time and constantly feeling like I’m not good enough. I drive myself crazy trying to get everything done and it still doesn’t feel like enough. I still feel like I’m getting nowhere. I’m so up and down these days and I don’t know what to make of it anymore. I don’t know what to make of anything.

So, here I am trying to make something out of all of this. All of these emotions that are all over the place. As usual feeling that in some way my pain and stress can hopefully help someone else. Hoping that I can reach someone going through the same things and let them know they’re not alone. They can make it.

I guess this post is just for me. A little something to look at when I wanna give up. Something to remind me why I keep pushing.

 

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

February 11, 2016

Hello, hello world.

Sorry for the delay just trying to get my life together and it’s not been easy these past few weeks.

Why is it always so hard to say what we mean to the ones we care about? The people we need to say things the most to are the ones we say the least to. Why is it so scary? We’re supposed to be accepted by the ones we keep close, but maybe it’s because they’re the most judgmental which brings me to my second question: why do people dismiss people who think or see things differently than they do?

It’s been happening so much lately and it seems like no matter what you read or see it’s right there in front of you. Aren’t differences supposed to be celebrated? Aren’t they what make people so great? If so why are we always attacking people based on sex, sexuality, race, religion, and so on. It should spark an interest and great conversation. Not ignorance and hatred. Just because something isn’t what you’re used to doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

I feel like everyone is at war these days and if it’s not with someone else it’s with themselves. It shouldn’t be like this. I’m not stupid. I know we live in an imperfect world, but it doesn’t stop me from being aggravated. I just wish people who grow up and if they can’t then they should shut up and stop getting in the way of progress. This world can’t grow if we don’t start accepting each other for who we are and if we’re always putting someone down how can they ever feel comfortable being themselves or feeling like they can actually open up and show people who they really are?

I’m ranting now (which I hate) and if I don’t stop now this post will go all over the place just like everything is doing in my head. Maybe one day (hopefully one day) people will finally get there shit together.

Love me not in spite of who I am but because of who I am