Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

Time To Be Honest (April 27, 2016)

Once upon a time I could be straight forward with my feelings. I could say whatever and live with the consequences no matter what. I had no problem with relationships.

That’s what people don’t seem to get.

When you’re young and first starting to date nothing is a problem. Yes, you may be scared of your feelings, and afraid to say how you feel, but there’s no fear because you’ve been hurt. Even after the second or third time that rule is the same, but after that…after that it’s 100% different. When people have hurt you time and time again it becomes hard to open up and be the real you. Why open up when you’re almost positive that a new person will hurt you like the last person did? Entertain them and give them what they want, before moving on to someone new. As always.

I say this because I think this generation, in particular, doesn’t understand how much cheating and/or lying truly does to a person. When you hurt a person who has opened up that much it messes them up for whoever comes after you. Whether you just meant to have fun, or for whatever screwy reason meant to hurt them, it really messes them up for the next person.

Also, after it has happened to you a few times in a row, you begin to believe everyone is the same. Why open up when you “know” they’ll turn out like the rest? I understand that you’re only “young once” and you wanna have your fun, but if that’s the case then have your fun and don’t waste someone else’s time. That’s why everyone is running around now saying “true love isn’t real”.

It’s not that it isn’t real. It’s that y’all played with emotions when you were younger, and now that you’re older and smarter no one wants to fuck with you cause they associate you with the person you were when you were younger and they play you thinking you’re still a player, when in reality you’ve made a complete change

This is coming from someone who has been hurt more times than I can count in the worst ways possible. If you wanna make it work put the best you forward. Not the you that will get pants to drop.

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Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

April 25, 2016

Hello there world.

Today was long and stressful, but thankfully it’s over. In all honesty it probably would have gone a lot better if I had gotten a better night’s sleep, but we take what we can get and deal with what we don’t.

Anyhow, besides all the minor flaws today held, I am quite proud of myself. I kept cool under pressure and kept a decent attitude (I’d like to positive but I did get a bit snappy). I’m used to breaking down under the pressure and screwing up. It’s always easier and sooner or later I get so stressed that I screw something up anyway, so I just jump to the part where I have an attitude problem and hate everyone.

It may not be a big deal to anyone except me, but that’s enough. I’m growing and I’m learning and I’m finally starting see it a little. I still have a LONG way to go, but it’s progress. Progress that at one time I didn’t think I’d make. So, however big and/or little I’ll take it and I’ll be happy about it.

Who knows? I may slowly starting to get a grip on life

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

April 24, 2016

Hello all.

I always make posts about how frustrated I am and how annoyed I am with myself and life. Never about how far I’ve come and how proud of myself I am. That needs to change. Instead of tearing myself down I need to focus more on building myself. I know a lot of you are gonna read this and say “no shit Lyss” well it takes some of a us a little longer than usual. Also, when you’ve spent most of your life hating yourself it’s very easy to see the negative instead of all the good in yourself.

It’s also not easy to be nice to yourself when people call you stuck up for complimenting yourself. There’s a difference between loving yourself and being a self absorbed asshole. People need to figure that out, because not only are you tearing someone down you’re also making sure they keep tearing themselves down.

So, next post will be a positive one. It would be this one, but this one has terrible grammar out the wa-zoo and took me about an hour and a half to write. Yup. That’s how long it took me to decide on something to write. Ain’t it grand being me?

Till next time

 

It’s a long road back to recovery…

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

April 3, 2016

Having a crush on someone when you’re a kid is so much easier than crushing on someone when you’re older. Especially in this day and age.

I can never just like someone and enjoy it. The minute I sense that someone is growing on me in a ‘more than friends’ way I freak out and over think everything before anything even happens. It makes everything so much more difficult and frustrating than it really should be, and I usually end up scaring off the person I like.

People always say “well, if they can’t be understanding then they aren’t worth your time anyway” and it’s not fair. If I’m looking for something to go wrong or expecting them to hurt me I can’t be mad that they don’t wanna hang around especially when they’re trying their hardest to show me they want to be with me. But this isn’t easy. After the relationships that I’ve been in it’s really hard for me to believe that someone would wanna be with me for me.

I’m scared and fragile and I need people to be patient with me. However, instead of just coming right out and saying that I act crazy and push them away then get upset when it doesn’t work out. I finally love myself and I call myself take precaution and guarding my heart when in reality I’m just too scared to try again.For some reason it’s extremely easy for me to open up on here, but when face to face with someone in this situation I just freeze up.

I just need people to come with signs that either say “worth your time” or “don’t even think about it”, but of course life does not work that way. It’s just one big up and down and fingers crossed situation. I try my hardest to just be calm and take it all in stride, but it’s all just too much. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll get the hang of this whole thing and learn to calm down just a little…only time will tell.

I was bound to fall for you, but what can I do?