Having a crush on someone when you’re a kid is so much easier than crushing on someone when you’re older. Especially in this day and age.
I can never just like someone and enjoy it. The minute I sense that someone is growing on me in a ‘more than friends’ way I freak out and over think everything before anything even happens. It makes everything so much more difficult and frustrating than it really should be, and I usually end up scaring off the person I like.
People always say “well, if they can’t be understanding then they aren’t worth your time anyway” and it’s not fair. If I’m looking for something to go wrong or expecting them to hurt me I can’t be mad that they don’t wanna hang around especially when they’re trying their hardest to show me they want to be with me. But this isn’t easy. After the relationships that I’ve been in it’s really hard for me to believe that someone would wanna be with me for me.
I’m scared and fragile and I need people to be patient with me. However, instead of just coming right out and saying that I act crazy and push them away then get upset when it doesn’t work out. I finally love myself and I call myself take precaution and guarding my heart when in reality I’m just too scared to try again.For some reason it’s extremely easy for me to open up on here, but when face to face with someone in this situation I just freeze up.
I just need people to come with signs that either say “worth your time” or “don’t even think about it”, but of course life does not work that way. It’s just one big up and down and fingers crossed situation. I try my hardest to just be calm and take it all in stride, but it’s all just too much. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll get the hang of this whole thing and learn to calm down just a little…only time will tell.
I was bound to fall for you, but what can I do?