I think that when it comes to too many changes happening at once it’s too much for me to handle. I try (I really do), but at the end of the day I’m just overwhelmed. It’s not fun and in reality it makes everything harder than it should be. I shut down and become even more a recluse. People think I don’t want to be social or that I’m rude when in reality it’s extremely hard for me so I just choose not to.
I’m not going to stress myself more than necessary and if that’s rude I’m sorry, but I have to take care of me. If I plan on making a future for myself and I want to be secure (or at least feel secure) I’ve got to be a little selfish. I’m not happy about the fact that I haven’t blogged in a while, but once again there’s a lot of change going on and I just shut down.
A new job, taking care of my grandmother, packing up the old house, trying to be social, and trying to exercise and what not. I don’t get a chance to breathe until 11-11:30 pm. I eat dinner, plan to blog, and fall asleep. Please just work with me. I’m not going to just stop. This is the most consistent I’ve been since I first started this blog and I’m proud of myself for that.
I guess this post is just an overall update on my life and an apology for taking so damn long. It’s just been a rough couple of weeks, but I have missed y’all. Also, I’m sorry this post isn’t the best, but lets face it: it’s not my worst. I’ll get used to this and along with that I will get better. I’ll probably only post on the weekends for a while. At least till things calm down. Talk to y’all soon.
Okay, so I was waiting until my other blog was posted to make this but it’s taking longer than I thought. So, I’m just gonna write it now.
This hatefulness and brutality has got to stop. It has to. There is no way we can move forward together if we keep finding ways to go back in time. The way to deal with and respond to the hurt and anger that you feel is not responding with more hurt and anger. Someone has to be willing to sit down and talk things over.
I feel like I shouldn’t have to point out that disliking someone based on the color of their skin is wrong and disgusting. If you can’t walk past someone who is a different color or race than you, you need to pick a new profession. Your job is to protect and serve EVERYONE not just who you feel comfortable protecting.
To everyone who is bringing up Alton’s criminal past: stop. None of that was coming into account that night. That night he was apprehended because he was selling CD’s or whatever. They used excessive force to begin with and after that they still complained that he was resisting arrest. Killing him wasn’t necessary in the slightest. A warning shot could have been fired or they could have injured. Shooting him six times in the head point-blank was unnecessary.
I’m not saying that he didn’t deserve to be in jail. He should have been there for a while, however I don’t think he should have brutally murdered. I’m scared enough to leave my house already. I shouldn’t have to be worried about being shot by someone in my neighborhood and now be afraid every time I see a cop car that I could get stopped just because of the color of my skin.
All of this being said I am also aware that all cops are not bad. People may say “you don’t need to say that” but I clearly do. When people say “all blacks are thugs and criminals” or “all minorities are lazy and drug dealers” its offensive and it pisses everyone off. The stands true here. There officers who put on that uniform and do their job to the fullest and to the best of their abilities. We shouldn’t have to live in fear of for our lives and neither should they.
The shooting in Dallas was heartbreaking and it shouldn’t have happened. How is anything supposed to get done if everyone keep responding to violence with violence? Am I the only one who sees that as backwards? I understand the anger. Trust me I do. I understand the fear because I am terrified everyday for my family, friends, and myself. I understand all of it, but take all of that and turn it into something good. Find a way to fight back without using violence to fight back.
I support people. I support cops. I support people who do what is right and fight in the name of love. My opinion of people will remain the same as it’s always been. Everyone is the way they are for a reason, but that doesn’t mean there’s no hope for change and peace. Maybe that makes me foolish, but I’d rather be a fool fighting for peace and love than a fool that let’s hatred and anger run her life.
I know, I know. I’ve been MIA and I’m sorry. Along with finding it hard to do anything in the first place I’ve been sick so that just adds on to it. Anyhow, hello world.
I don’t have much to say, but I wanted to say something cause I miss you all and I miss writing. I guess overall I’m doing okay. I got a new job that I’m actually excited about and my writing is slowly starting to take off. I’ve been writing for a radio station and I think I’m doing pretty okay cause they gave me a page for my writing. Things are slowly turning around.
I’m not unhappy, I’m not happy, and I’m not content. I don’t know if I’m much of anything right now besides confused and scared. That’s fine though. I’m breathing and for now that’s good enough. Maybe it’s because I’m under the weather and Mother Nature has also decided to rear her ugly red head at the same time. I don’t know.
Whatever the case may be I’m still feeling hopeful and my 2016 is going a lot better than it started. A LOT. I’m thankful for all the blessings. Big and small.This mood shall pass. Until then keep a look out for new and better post.