Hello all. Did you miss me? Probably not but oh well I’m back. Deal with it.
When I decided that writing is what I want to do with my life I had so much fire and passion. I knew it was what I wanted. I still want it. It just feels like somewhere along the way that fire started to die. I think I know when, but it doesn’t change the fact that I need to ignite something in me again. Something has go to change.
The only permanent job I want is to be a writer. I’m not very good at much else, but writing makes me feel better. It makes this life beautiful and I seem to be able to help others and that’s what matters most. That is what I want most.That’s all that really matters.
I keep getting other jobs and I get comfortable because it gets me by right where I want to be and I just put everything else on hold. Then I get pissed at myself because before you know two months have gone by and I haven’t even attempted to write a single thing. I know me being afraid to fail is apart of it, but I’ve already published a book. I have my foot in the door. Why is it always so hard for me to get my shit together?
Something in me has to change. I want my old spark back. I just wish I knew how to get it. Whenever I have some sort of a real life starting to form it seems that I find a way to muck it up. I’m 23. I can’t keep mucking things up. I don’t know. I guess I just needed to vent my frustrations. It’s only a bad day, not a bad life.