Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

November 20, 2016

Hello bloggers of the world and all the rest of you who bother to read these.

It’s been a while but I’m back.

I try my hardest to be positive for other people. I may not always be the most optimistic person in the room, but I do what I can do keep those I care about happy. For whatever reason it seems impossible for me to be happy. Or at least it feels that way.

I am very aware that my problems compared to those of others are small and I need to just get over it, but sometimes I just can’t. I just fester on it and it ruins my day. It ruins me. I really do try to just get over it, but my mind doesn’t seem to find that fun. I’ve learned to accept it though.

I smile in public and cry in private. Which I used to hate, but now I’m happy about it. I love it. It quiets the self harming demons and it drowns out the self hate that I hear on a daily basis. I still become a recluse and talk to no one and do nothing, but trust me: I’ve been much, much, MUCH worse. I used to think embracing the tears made me weak, but now I see how strong it actually makes me. Accepting any type of painful emotion and/or situation sucks and it’s the worst. To be able to accept it and face it head on is one of the bravest things you can ever do.

The more you run from it, the more it wears you down and controls your life. Everything that happens in this life happens to make you stronger. It doesn’t always feel like it and sometimes you just want to die (I know I do from time to time), but after the storm ends and the clouds clear, you’re standing so much taller and you have a sense of calm. The calming feeling of “I thought it would kill me, but I’m still here. I fought back and I’m still here.”

Life is constantly throwing obstacles our way. The older we get the more obstacles we’ll get. This life is so beautiful though. Despite all the hell (no matter how often you go through it) those little moments of hope, happiness, joy, and love…those are the moments that make this crazy thing all worth while. Hearing your best friend laugh, getting a hug from your parents, the late night parties, seeing your favorite band live…those moments are what make this life amazing. You are so much stronger than  you know.

No matter how dark it gets, the sun will rise again. It may take some time, but the darker the night the brighter the stars shine.

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Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

November 10, 2016

I really did try to post this last night, but honestly I was so upset when I got home that I cried myself to sleep.

I’m already deeply terrified that Donald Trump is the president-elect. He spews hate and rhetoric and somehow people still saw fit for him to be the next President.He’s been accused by numerous women of sexual assault and people still looked the other way. He’s said outlandish even about his own party and no one still seems to be upset enough to say “okay, this is a problem”.

What has me even more afraid and upset than the blatant racist, homophobic, sexist people who took no time showing that they’re the same they’ve always been are the people who I once considered myself to and truly care about. You saying “I’m not racist I just didn’t want Hillary in office” or “you’re not even giving him a fair chance. You have nothing to worry about”makes you apart of the problem. I clearly do have something to worry about. The LGBT community clearly has something to worry about. Muslims and Mexicans clearly have something to worry about. You were so hell-bent on getting someone into office that wasn’t Hillary into office that you let hate win.

So now do I not only have to be terrified about being attacked because of the color of my skin, but also because of my gender. I’m not overreacting and I’m not being close minded. I’m living in the real world and since day one this man has done nothing but spread hate and lies. He has down right said that he doesn’t respect women. He has accused entire races of things just because of the actions of a select few. He’s seen violence break out at his own rallies and supported it. He’s made fun of people disorders. He’s condemned homosexuals. All in the open and apologetically. So, please don’t sit here and belittle people’s feelings when they have every right to be scared and upset.

You may choose to look the other way or leave because you have enough money, but for those of us who can’t or won’t because we shouldn’t have to leave OUR HOMES don’t you dare sit here and tell us to calm down. I cry because people pretty much said a woman’s voice and choice don’t matter. I cry because people are still thinking that they have a right to tell people who they can and can’t love and tell a woman what they can and can’t do with their body. I cry because people still can’t accept one another for all the differences that they have even that’s part of what is supposed to make this country so great.

 

I cry because if you look at all he does and say “I’m not a racist but…” “I’m not homophobic but…” “I’m not sexist but….” you’re standing by and letting hate win because the end of the day you’ll still be fine and as long as you’re okay you don’t seem to care about anyone else. That terrifies me and breaks my heart.

 

I will try to remain hopeful and positive. I will continue for those I love and what I believe in. Because I know that I can make a difference. I know that I can help and let someone know that they’re not alone. Their voice matters. They matter what. Their life matters. What they do matters. I will fight for those things until I no longer can. I will keep love in my heart for everyone because at the end of the day love trumps hate.