Hello bloggers of the world and all the rest of you who bother to read these.
It’s been a while but I’m back.
I try my hardest to be positive for other people. I may not always be the most optimistic person in the room, but I do what I can do keep those I care about happy. For whatever reason it seems impossible for me to be happy. Or at least it feels that way.
I am very aware that my problems compared to those of others are small and I need to just get over it, but sometimes I just can’t. I just fester on it and it ruins my day. It ruins me. I really do try to just get over it, but my mind doesn’t seem to find that fun. I’ve learned to accept it though.
I smile in public and cry in private. Which I used to hate, but now I’m happy about it. I love it. It quiets the self harming demons and it drowns out the self hate that I hear on a daily basis. I still become a recluse and talk to no one and do nothing, but trust me: I’ve been much, much, MUCH worse. I used to think embracing the tears made me weak, but now I see how strong it actually makes me. Accepting any type of painful emotion and/or situation sucks and it’s the worst. To be able to accept it and face it head on is one of the bravest things you can ever do.
The more you run from it, the more it wears you down and controls your life. Everything that happens in this life happens to make you stronger. It doesn’t always feel like it and sometimes you just want to die (I know I do from time to time), but after the storm ends and the clouds clear, you’re standing so much taller and you have a sense of calm. The calming feeling of “I thought it would kill me, but I’m still here. I fought back and I’m still here.”
Life is constantly throwing obstacles our way. The older we get the more obstacles we’ll get. This life is so beautiful though. Despite all the hell (no matter how often you go through it) those little moments of hope, happiness, joy, and love…those are the moments that make this crazy thing all worth while. Hearing your best friend laugh, getting a hug from your parents, the late night parties, seeing your favorite band live…those moments are what make this life amazing. You are so much stronger than you know.
No matter how dark it gets, the sun will rise again. It may take some time, but the darker the night the brighter the stars shine.