I hate getting to know people. I really do. I’d rather something much more pleasant, like watching paint dry or swallowing shards of glass.
It makes me uncomfortable and I’m so ready for people to leave. They always seem to leave and I hurt for months on end because I feel too much. Getting close to people and trusting them is extremely hard for me which is why most times I end up pushing people away.
However, I still do it. I still try to keep a conversation going and be supportive. I’ll apologize for being weird be there when you need me. Why? Because that’s life. There is no part of life that won’t hurt. For every feeling of joy there will be moments that hurt like hell. That’s the beauty of it all. That’s what makes it all worth while.
Without the pain you can’t truly appreciate all the amazing things that happen. You never learn and you never grow. You have to accept it all. That’s the part people don’t want to do. Accept it. It’s easier to run and to block all the bad stuff out. It’s easier to shut down and just keep to yourself. Trust me I know.
What’s the point in it though? You miss out on friendships. You miss out on love. You miss out on so many opportunities. Yes, you’re supposed to guard your heart, but you’re not supposed to close it off completely. I know, “easier said than done”, and please believe I still have my days.
But I’m still trying. As with everything, some days are good and others not so much. When you open up and start to accept things the way they are (all of it) that’s when you really open your heart and your eyes to life. Let yourself love more. Live more. Cry more. Embrace all of it. It’s worth it in the end.
Merry Christmas Eve and Happy Holidays to all!
I hadn’t planned on making a post this weekend, but this just felt too important to not talk about.
I hear a lot of people saying that it doesn’t feel like Christmas to them, and the more I see or hear their reasoning as to why I think some have forgotten the real meaning of Christmas. It’s not measured by the snow on the ground, the presents under the tree, or the money in your bank account. It’s measured by the love in your heart.
The holiday season is a time to be around those you love and cherish the most. It’s a time to reflect on the year (both the good and the bad things that happened) and just be happy that you’ve made it this far. It doesn’t matter if you have the latest gadgets or not. None of those things matter at the end of the day or at the end of your life for that matter.
The Christmas story is a story centered around love, joy, and hope. Baby Jesus really didn’t care about what he got for Christmas and you shouldn’t either. Whether you’re a Christian or not don’t let the commercials brain wash you.
For some the holidays are a difficult time because they’re alone and can’t be with the ones they love the most. Be thankful that you can still be surrounded by love and warmth. Take time this Christmas to hug the ones you love and to thank them. Even if it’s just for breathing. Spread love and give joy.
Happy Holidays Everyone
It’s about that time. That time that we do a little recap of another one of my man crazy years. This one is the apology.
For the most part I’ve apologized to everyone I stressed out, hurt, and/or drove crazy this year. The last one happened the other night and it honestly felt like a weight off of my shoulders, but if I missed anyone here goes: I am so terribly sorry.
This year was incredibly hard and I’m afraid that at times I didn’t handle it the best way. I slipped back into old ways or I just gave up all together. I would lie to myself and tell myself I wasn’t knowing good and damn well that I was. As always it’s just a stepping stone and a lesson to be learnt.
However, to everyone who drove themselves crazy worrying about me or tried to keep me in line I know it was no easy task. Trying to get through to me when I’m trapped inside my own head is no easy task and there were times that I was just too stubborn to listen, too ashamed to tell the truth, and too hurt to think of anyone else’s feelings. The fact that I put people through this hell and they still stick by me is nothing less than amazing.
Please believe me when I say I love you and you do mean the world to me. I just have rebuild myself and it hurts more than I could have ever expected. I’m trying though. I really am and I just need more time. I know I always seem to ask for it and sometimes it feels like we get nowhere, but trust me I say your patience, love, and understanding are what get me through the days and sometimes the months.
You are my rocks, my strong towers, and the best group of people that anyone could ever know. I love you, I’m sorry, and I’m working on me. Don’t give up on me just yet. K?