I hate getting to know people. I really do. I’d rather something much more pleasant, like watching paint dry or swallowing shards of glass.
It makes me uncomfortable and I’m so ready for people to leave. They always seem to leave and I hurt for months on end because I feel too much. Getting close to people and trusting them is extremely hard for me which is why most times I end up pushing people away.
However, I still do it. I still try to keep a conversation going and be supportive. I’ll apologize for being weird be there when you need me. Why? Because that’s life. There is no part of life that won’t hurt. For every feeling of joy there will be moments that hurt like hell. That’s the beauty of it all. That’s what makes it all worth while.
Without the pain you can’t truly appreciate all the amazing things that happen. You never learn and you never grow. You have to accept it all. That’s the part people don’t want to do. Accept it. It’s easier to run and to block all the bad stuff out. It’s easier to shut down and just keep to yourself. Trust me I know.
What’s the point in it though? You miss out on friendships. You miss out on love. You miss out on so many opportunities. Yes, you’re supposed to guard your heart, but you’re not supposed to close it off completely. I know, “easier said than done”, and please believe I still have my days.
But I’m still trying. As with everything, some days are good and others not so much. When you open up and start to accept things the way they are (all of it) that’s when you really open your heart and your eyes to life. Let yourself love more. Live more. Cry more. Embrace all of it. It’s worth it in the end.