Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

April 11, 2017

Hey, remember me? Sometimes I post stuff on here. It’s been a while, but I’m finally back. This post is about myself and love. If neither of these things interest you, I suggest you keep scrolling.

I think my thing with love, or feelings in general, is that when I feel it I run with it 100%. Sometimes this causes me to be too forward, or sometimes if I feel like I’ll be too straight forward, I’ll withdraw myself. There’s no in-between and I usually screw myself over.

Which is probably why I don’t put as much effort in anymore and why I expect everything to fail. Because it always does. Guys either get too afraid or they think I’m not interested and at the end of the day I guess I can’t really blame them anymore, but at the same time I can. And maybe that’s why they stay away. When I’m hurt I try to stay away, but if you ask what’s wrong I go off. There’s no censor and I wouldn’t want there to be one even if I could manage it. I feel everything deeply and too much. It’s how I’ve always been.

Just because I’m telling you how I feel doesn’t mean I want you to say you feel the same. If you tell me you love me and don’t mean it, that’ll be ten times worse than me telling you I love you and saying you don’t love me back. I’d rather you just be up front. I’ll never ask you to do something you’re not ready for, and I never want you to say something you don’t mean. If you jump to that conclusion that’s your fault and I’ not sorry. When I care about you I will do anything for you, and when I love you I love you with all that I have.

I know I’m no walk in the park, but at the same end I’ll never ask for you to fix me. I just ask that you accept me as I am and to be patient with me as I work on myself. It’s a process and it’s tough, but it’s honest and that’s something I will always be. The only way I can think to end this post is to say that I’m not sorry, and while I’ trying to become better at everything, there are certain things that will just not change. I will continue to love and care with every inch of my being and, until someone gives me reason to believe otherwise, I will continue to believe that no one can handle that and eventually you’ll leave.