Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

November 20, 2016

Hello bloggers of the world and all the rest of you who bother to read these.

It’s been a while but I’m back.

I try my hardest to be positive for other people. I may not always be the most optimistic person in the room, but I do what I can do keep those I care about happy. For whatever reason it seems impossible for me to be happy. Or at least it feels that way.

I am very aware that my problems compared to those of others are small and I need to just get over it, but sometimes I just can’t. I just fester on it and it ruins my day. It ruins me. I really do try to just get over it, but my mind doesn’t seem to find that fun. I’ve learned to accept it though.

I smile in public and cry in private. Which I used to hate, but now I’m happy about it. I love it. It quiets the self harming demons and it drowns out the self hate that I hear on a daily basis. I still become a recluse and talk to no one and do nothing, but trust me: I’ve been much, much, MUCH worse. I used to think embracing the tears made me weak, but now I see how strong it actually makes me. Accepting any type of painful emotion and/or situation sucks and it’s the worst. To be able to accept it and face it head on is one of the bravest things you can ever do.

The more you run from it, the more it wears you down and controls your life. Everything that happens in this life happens to make you stronger. It doesn’t always feel like it and sometimes you just want to die (I know I do from time to time), but after the storm ends and the clouds clear, you’re standing so much taller and you have a sense of calm. The calming feeling of “I thought it would kill me, but I’m still here. I fought back and I’m still here.”

Life is constantly throwing obstacles our way. The older we get the more obstacles we’ll get. This life is so beautiful though. Despite all the hell (no matter how often you go through it) those little moments of hope, happiness, joy, and love…those are the moments that make this crazy thing all worth while. Hearing your best friend laugh, getting a hug from your parents, the late night parties, seeing your favorite band live…those moments are what make this life amazing. You are so much stronger than  you know.

No matter how dark it gets, the sun will rise again. It may take some time, but the darker the night the brighter the stars shine.

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

November 10, 2016

I really did try to post this last night, but honestly I was so upset when I got home that I cried myself to sleep.

I’m already deeply terrified that Donald Trump is the president-elect. He spews hate and rhetoric and somehow people still saw fit for him to be the next President.He’s been accused by numerous women of sexual assault and people still looked the other way. He’s said outlandish even about his own party and no one still seems to be upset enough to say “okay, this is a problem”.

What has me even more afraid and upset than the blatant racist, homophobic, sexist people who took no time showing that they’re the same they’ve always been are the people who I once considered myself to and truly care about. You saying “I’m not racist I just didn’t want Hillary in office” or “you’re not even giving him a fair chance. You have nothing to worry about”makes you apart of the problem. I clearly do have something to worry about. The LGBT community clearly has something to worry about. Muslims and Mexicans clearly have something to worry about. You were so hell-bent on getting someone into office that wasn’t Hillary into office that you let hate win.

So now do I not only have to be terrified about being attacked because of the color of my skin, but also because of my gender. I’m not overreacting and I’m not being close minded. I’m living in the real world and since day one this man has done nothing but spread hate and lies. He has down right said that he doesn’t respect women. He has accused entire races of things just because of the actions of a select few. He’s seen violence break out at his own rallies and supported it. He’s made fun of people disorders. He’s condemned homosexuals. All in the open and apologetically. So, please don’t sit here and belittle people’s feelings when they have every right to be scared and upset.

You may choose to look the other way or leave because you have enough money, but for those of us who can’t or won’t because we shouldn’t have to leave OUR HOMES don’t you dare sit here and tell us to calm down. I cry because people pretty much said a woman’s voice and choice don’t matter. I cry because people are still thinking that they have a right to tell people who they can and can’t love and tell a woman what they can and can’t do with their body. I cry because people still can’t accept one another for all the differences that they have even that’s part of what is supposed to make this country so great.


I cry because if you look at all he does and say “I’m not a racist but…” “I’m not homophobic but…” “I’m not sexist but….” you’re standing by and letting hate win because the end of the day you’ll still be fine and as long as you’re okay you don’t seem to care about anyone else. That terrifies me and breaks my heart.


I will try to remain hopeful and positive. I will continue for those I love and what I believe in. Because I know that I can make a difference. I know that I can help and let someone know that they’re not alone. Their voice matters. They matter what. Their life matters. What they do matters. I will fight for those things until I no longer can. I will keep love in my heart for everyone because at the end of the day love trumps hate.


Posted in Real Life, Uncategorized

October 12, 2016

You are still here. You’re still breathing. You’re still functioning. You matter. Your life matters. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

There are always (and I mean ALWAYS) going to be people who try to tell you your worth and that you don’t mean as much as you actually do. Guess what? Those people don’t know shit and don’t let them make you think they do.  You have a purpose.

Laugh as loud as you want. Dance as crazy as you want.Embrace every part of yourself. Everyone is different and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. You are beautiful and special in your own and you are loved for it. You are loved for just being you. You are enough. Don’t let this world and all of the material things in it bring you down.

Let your voice be heard. Leave your mark and every day make it known that you were here and live your life to the fullest. Be yourself because no one else can.


“You were born for the dance not the fight”

Posted in Music, Uncategorized

October 11, 2016

This post is honor of some friends of mine who just released an amazing album and had an awesome album release party: P-Funk North.

To those of you who aren’t Plainfield or North Plainfield natives probably have no clue who I’m talking about. Well let me clue you in.

P-Funk is reggae band placed out of North Plainfield, New Jersey and have been together since 2013. Their sound is a mixture of early of Sublime, Slightly Stoopid, and something all their own.  Their album ‘Buds Won’t Break Your Heart’ (which was produced by Weilhouse Productions) captures not only the energy but also the fun that is always vibrant and alive at their live shows. With lyrics that make you laugh as much as think, this album is something for everyone as well as something everyone needs.

Dave’s raspy/fun voice transcends your mind into a place of relaxation, as well as, a part of your state of being  that needs to be awoken. Joel’s guitar playing is something that the best dreams are made of. Between him striking the cords that make you feel something deep within, and him playing the cords that make you feel like you’re on vacation his guitar playing is a major part of what sets the tone for the album; making it different from certain Generation X reggae albums. Pat’s drumming (live or on the album) never fails to make you feel it in your bones.

Besides hitting every mark perfectly , his drumming makes you wanna get up dance. Together they make a group of not only true friends (which shine true on this album and on stage) but also true musicians. Musicians on a mission to bring true music back as well as songs that not only make you feel good, but make you think about the world we live in.

Do yourselves a favor and buy the album off of Itunes or listen to it on Spotify. It’ll do your mind and soul a world of good

P-Funk North consists of:

Dave Sloyan on bass and vocals

Joel Oviedo on guitar

Pat Tucker on drums

The album features

Bruce on the trumpet/flugehorn

James on vocals

Lou on trombone


DJ Redrum on turntables

‘Buds Won’t Break Your Heart’ was produced by Weilhouse Productions

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

October 5,2016



So far this week just sucks. 

I was feeling good and I guess a little too good cause the universe just seems to drowning me right now. I’m trying to remain hopeful and positive, but right now I just want to lay in bed and cry. You’d think I’d be used to this by now.

You’d think it stops hurting. Your chest stops feeling like there’s a massive weight on it. Your tears won’t well up when it’s all begins to feel like. You’d think but it doesn’t. 

I won’t quit. I’ll finish out this week as strong as I can and as positive as I know how and just pray for better days. After all the storms do come to make us stronger. 

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

October 4, 2016

You’d think that after all these years with shitty guys I would have learned my lesson. But no. I finally decide to feel a little and open up again and I do the same dumb thing I did before.

I like a guy and just forget how to think. Another reason why it’s just easier to be alone. When you’re alone you don’t have to worry about letting your walls down, letting someone in, and them possibly throwing it back in your face.

At the same time: being alone gets pretty damn lonely. I’m just tired of taking all these risks for nothing. For once I just want a guy who sees me and treats me like a person. For once I wish I’d make a guy really work for it like I used to.

Another bitter lesson taught to you by 2016. Presented by my dumb ass.

Posted in Uncategorized

October 2, 2016

Hello all. Did you miss me? Probably not but oh well I’m back. Deal with it.

When I decided that writing is what I want to do with my life I had so much fire and passion. I knew it was what I wanted. I still want it. It just feels like somewhere along the way that fire started to die. I think I know when, but it doesn’t change the fact that I need to ignite something in me again. Something has go to change.

The only permanent job I want is to be a writer. I’m not very good at much else, but writing makes me feel better. It makes this life beautiful and I seem to be able to help others and that’s what matters most. That is what I want most.That’s all that really matters.

I keep getting other jobs and I get comfortable because it gets me by right where I want to be and I just put everything else on hold. Then I get pissed at myself because before you know two months have gone by and I haven’t even attempted to write a single thing. I know me being afraid to fail is apart of it, but I’ve already published a book. I have my foot in the door. Why is it always so hard for me to get my shit together?

Something in me has to change. I want my old spark back. I just wish I knew how to get it. Whenever I have some sort of a real life starting to form it seems that I find a way to muck it up. I’m 23. I can’t keep mucking things up. I don’t know. I guess I just needed to vent my frustrations. It’s only a bad day, not a bad life.

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

September 10, 2016

Be yourself and be happy with yourself. Stop worrying about what others think of the things you do and just do it anyway. At the end of the day you have to be able to live with yourself so why do the opinions of others always seem to matter so much??

If you’re not hurting yourself or others you should be allowed to be happy on your own terms. Keeping with the last trends will cause you to go broke, going to every single party will cause your liver damage, and trying to be someone else will make you miserable. We’re all different and that’s what makes life beautiful. Embrace it and love it. 
You were born to live this life on your own accord. God made us all different for a reason. You have the right to live this life how you want so just do it. If no one else tells you this I will: you are unique, you are special, and you are loved. Every single part. The good and the bad. Live your life the only way you can. We’ve only got one. Don’t waste it. 

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

A Letter To Me On My 23rd Birthday 

Dear Me,

It’s another year that we survived. Another year we doubted at times, but none the less here we are. You may not be the prettiest and we know I’m not the brightest, but I am enough. I am good enough. I am smart enough, I am brave enough, and I am tough enough. We’ve beaten self harming and an eating disorder. We’ve been knocked down time and time again and we’re still standing. So, let them think and say what they want. Let them mock because they don’t understand and never will. We just keep on believing and keep on trying. We’ll be alright. Here’s to the next 23 years.

I love you and happy birthday,

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

August 11, 2016

I’m making this post for anyone who feels like me this week. Anyone who has felt the weight of the world crushing them down and feeling like no matter how hard they fight against the current they’re still drowning.

There is something beautiful in everyday. Something worth smiling about. It may be extremely small, but it’s still something. You have to hold on to that when the hope is gone and faith is lost. You have to hold on to it with all you have left in you because without it you’ll drown.Whether it’s your friends surprising you with a night out or hearing your favorite song just hold on to it.

Spread love and positivity  even on your worst days cause that’s when you’ll need it most. Just because the world isn’t spinning in your direction doesn’t give you the right to rain on someone else’s day. It makes no sense to ask the universe and all its inhabitants to give you a break and you’re treating everyone like trash. Always remember that everyone is going through something so try your hardest to not be an asshole.

Always be kind to the world. Even when the world is unkind to you. Always love and respect yourself. Even when life is giving you a million reasons not to.