Posted in Real Life, Uncategorized

October 12, 2016

You are still here. You’re still breathing. You’re still functioning. You matter. Your life matters. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

There are always (and I mean ALWAYS) going to be people who try to tell you your worth and that you don’t mean as much as you actually do. Guess what? Those people don’t know shit and don’t let them make you think they do.  You have a purpose.

Laugh as loud as you want. Dance as crazy as you want.Embrace every part of yourself. Everyone is different and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. You are beautiful and special in your own and you are loved for it. You are loved for just being you. You are enough. Don’t let this world and all of the material things in it bring you down.

Let your voice be heard. Leave your mark and every day make it known that you were here and live your life to the fullest. Be yourself because no one else can.


“You were born for the dance not the fight”

Posted in Music, Uncategorized

October 11, 2016

This post is honor of some friends of mine who just released an amazing album and had an awesome album release party: P-Funk North.

To those of you who aren’t Plainfield or North Plainfield natives probably have no clue who I’m talking about. Well let me clue you in.

P-Funk is reggae band placed out of North Plainfield, New Jersey and have been together since 2013. Their sound is a mixture of early of Sublime, Slightly Stoopid, and something all their own.  Their album ‘Buds Won’t Break Your Heart’ (which was produced by Weilhouse Productions) captures not only the energy but also the fun that is always vibrant and alive at their live shows. With lyrics that make you laugh as much as think, this album is something for everyone as well as something everyone needs.

Dave’s raspy/fun voice transcends your mind into a place of relaxation, as well as, a part of your state of being  that needs to be awoken. Joel’s guitar playing is something that the best dreams are made of. Between him striking the cords that make you feel something deep within, and him playing the cords that make you feel like you’re on vacation his guitar playing is a major part of what sets the tone for the album; making it different from certain Generation X reggae albums. Pat’s drumming (live or on the album) never fails to make you feel it in your bones.

Besides hitting every mark perfectly , his drumming makes you wanna get up dance. Together they make a group of not only true friends (which shine true on this album and on stage) but also true musicians. Musicians on a mission to bring true music back as well as songs that not only make you feel good, but make you think about the world we live in.

Do yourselves a favor and buy the album off of Itunes or listen to it on Spotify. It’ll do your mind and soul a world of good

P-Funk North consists of:

Dave Sloyan on bass and vocals

Joel Oviedo on guitar

Pat Tucker on drums

The album features

Bruce on the trumpet/flugehorn

James on vocals

Lou on trombone


DJ Redrum on turntables

‘Buds Won’t Break Your Heart’ was produced by Weilhouse Productions

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

October 5,2016



So far this week just sucks. 

I was feeling good and I guess a little too good cause the universe just seems to drowning me right now. I’m trying to remain hopeful and positive, but right now I just want to lay in bed and cry. You’d think I’d be used to this by now.

You’d think it stops hurting. Your chest stops feeling like there’s a massive weight on it. Your tears won’t well up when it’s all begins to feel like. You’d think but it doesn’t. 

I won’t quit. I’ll finish out this week as strong as I can and as positive as I know how and just pray for better days. After all the storms do come to make us stronger. 

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

October 4, 2016

You’d think that after all these years with shitty guys I would have learned my lesson. But no. I finally decide to feel a little and open up again and I do the same dumb thing I did before.

I like a guy and just forget how to think. Another reason why it’s just easier to be alone. When you’re alone you don’t have to worry about letting your walls down, letting someone in, and them possibly throwing it back in your face.

At the same time: being alone gets pretty damn lonely. I’m just tired of taking all these risks for nothing. For once I just want a guy who sees me and treats me like a person. For once I wish I’d make a guy really work for it like I used to.

Another bitter lesson taught to you by 2016. Presented by my dumb ass.

Posted in Uncategorized

October 2, 2016

Hello all. Did you miss me? Probably not but oh well I’m back. Deal with it.

When I decided that writing is what I want to do with my life I had so much fire and passion. I knew it was what I wanted. I still want it. It just feels like somewhere along the way that fire started to die. I think I know when, but it doesn’t change the fact that I need to ignite something in me again. Something has go to change.

The only permanent job I want is to be a writer. I’m not very good at much else, but writing makes me feel better. It makes this life beautiful and I seem to be able to help others and that’s what matters most. That is what I want most.That’s all that really matters.

I keep getting other jobs and I get comfortable because it gets me by right where I want to be and I just put everything else on hold. Then I get pissed at myself because before you know two months have gone by and I haven’t even attempted to write a single thing. I know me being afraid to fail is apart of it, but I’ve already published a book. I have my foot in the door. Why is it always so hard for me to get my shit together?

Something in me has to change. I want my old spark back. I just wish I knew how to get it. Whenever I have some sort of a real life starting to form it seems that I find a way to muck it up. I’m 23. I can’t keep mucking things up. I don’t know. I guess I just needed to vent my frustrations. It’s only a bad day, not a bad life.

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

September 10, 2016

Be yourself and be happy with yourself. Stop worrying about what others think of the things you do and just do it anyway. At the end of the day you have to be able to live with yourself so why do the opinions of others always seem to matter so much??

If you’re not hurting yourself or others you should be allowed to be happy on your own terms. Keeping with the last trends will cause you to go broke, going to every single party will cause your liver damage, and trying to be someone else will make you miserable. We’re all different and that’s what makes life beautiful. Embrace it and love it. 
You were born to live this life on your own accord. God made us all different for a reason. You have the right to live this life how you want so just do it. If no one else tells you this I will: you are unique, you are special, and you are loved. Every single part. The good and the bad. Live your life the only way you can. We’ve only got one. Don’t waste it. 

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

A Letter To Me On My 23rd Birthday 

Dear Me,

It’s another year that we survived. Another year we doubted at times, but none the less here we are. You may not be the prettiest and we know I’m not the brightest, but I am enough. I am good enough. I am smart enough, I am brave enough, and I am tough enough. We’ve beaten self harming and an eating disorder. We’ve been knocked down time and time again and we’re still standing. So, let them think and say what they want. Let them mock because they don’t understand and never will. We just keep on believing and keep on trying. We’ll be alright. Here’s to the next 23 years.

I love you and happy birthday,

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

August 11, 2016

I’m making this post for anyone who feels like me this week. Anyone who has felt the weight of the world crushing them down and feeling like no matter how hard they fight against the current they’re still drowning.

There is something beautiful in everyday. Something worth smiling about. It may be extremely small, but it’s still something. You have to hold on to that when the hope is gone and faith is lost. You have to hold on to it with all you have left in you because without it you’ll drown.Whether it’s your friends surprising you with a night out or hearing your favorite song just hold on to it.

Spread love and positivity  even on your worst days cause that’s when you’ll need it most. Just because the world isn’t spinning in your direction doesn’t give you the right to rain on someone else’s day. It makes no sense to ask the universe and all its inhabitants to give you a break and you’re treating everyone like trash. Always remember that everyone is going through something so try your hardest to not be an asshole.

Always be kind to the world. Even when the world is unkind to you. Always love and respect yourself. Even when life is giving you a million reasons not to.

Posted in Journal, Music, Real Life, Uncategorized

August 7, 2016

I figured that I’d share one of the very best days of my life with you guys today, because it just happened to be a year ago this very day. It was the day I met Jon Foreman.

It was Satuday and I had stayed up all night the night before and woke up extremely early because I was just too excited. I was finally about to see Switchfoot. I’ve been a fan of them ever since I heard The Beautiful Letdown and have been listening ever since, but this…this was my first show. I was actually going to see them live. I scrambled around to shower and get dressed, printed out my ticket, and practically ran to the train station.

The entire ride from New Brunswick to Asbury Park I was blasting Switchfoot (which is honestly no different than other day, but this time it had more significance obviously) and quite literally bouncing along to every song. I had so many things running around through the my head. “What if I get to meet them?” “What if I get to hug them?” “Would they let me hug them?” “I’ll finally be able to thank them!”. I had no V.I.P pass but I was chalk full of hope. 

Of course I arrived hours before the show so I was just walking around Asbury. Visiting friends and hoping to at least catch a glimpse of the band. I didn’t get a chance to but I still had fun wondering around aimlessly and discovering new places to hide on the beach. I kept watching the clock (which of course made time go slower) and when it was finally time for them to open the doors to the show I ran as fast as I could to the Summer Stage. I could feel in my bones that this was gonna be one of the best if not THE best show I’d ever go to. 

I got in, got a spot, and stood there happily waiting for the show to start. I had been walking around all day and my adrenaline was pumping. So much that when I finally stood still I realized how tired I truly was and how sore I was. I started to freak out. “This can’t be happening now” I thought “I’ve been looking forward to this show since I bought the tickets in February!”. I went from slightly freaked to slightly annoyed. 

I decided I didn’t care. I didn’t care if I fainted right then and there. Nothing was going to stop me from seeing the band I love so much. I forced myself to get it together and mustered up all the energy I could. There were two bands before Switchfoot and they were really awesome, but I was trying to save up my energy for Switchfoot. That didn’t work long cause it’s physically impossible for me to hear music I like and stand still. 

Finally. Switchfoot. I lost my voice after the second song. That’s how loud I was screaming. I forgot how tired I was and how sore I was and in that moment life was amazing. I felt amazing. I cried to a few songs, danced to some, and sang along to all. It was amazing. It was the best show I’d been to (not counting my dad’s shows. He rules all).

Then their set was over and the tiredness set in again and I knew I wouldn’t make it through the last band (I’m really sorry NEEDTOBREATHE. I really did want to see your set). I was on my way back to go see my friend to pick up my stuff so I could catch the train when I remembered: Jon Foreman does after shows. Well sometimes anyway. I was now on a new mission: see a Jon Foreman after show. I sat with my friend watching for updates to see if there would in fact be one. Having a drink or two and nodding off.

Then finally the tweet came. There would in fact be an after show. He said the place and I shot up and out of the building hoping to see Jon before he had to go up. I know Jon Foreman is not Switchfoot. Switchfoot is made up of five amazing men and I love them all to bits, but Jon’s solo stuff has also seen me through some really hard times. All I wanted to do was thank him ask him to thank the band for me. Also pay him cause when the Wonderlands came out I illegally downloaded it cause I had no money. 

As fast as I ran I stopped at the wrong and spot missed out on seeing Jon. I was bummed. So bummed. I guess it was written on my face because a girl came up to me and asked me what was wrong. I explained the whole thing to her. She grabbed my hand and said clear as day: “you’re meeting Jon”. She started running and pulled me behind. Once we got there he had started performing so I thought I missed my shot again until she started getting me to the front and told me to poke him and she started calling his name. Soon people started asking why and what was going on and I told them I just wanted to thank him and soon enough everyone was calling him and telling him to stop. I couldn’t believe what was happening.

He stopped, looked around, and looked down at me. Was this really happening? Was I actually in front of Jon Foreman? I was just standing there looking like a deer caught in headlights until Jon said “hi” and I shakily got a hi out in response. I started going a mile a minute and he stopped me and told me to stand on the bench with him. This was happening. I was meeting Jon. I was suddenly aware that my last drink was a Jack and Coke and I felt very self conscious. 

I managed to get out that I wanted to thank him and Switchfoot for all they’ve done and that I more than likely wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for them. I asked him for a hug and he said of course and gave me a huge hug and I asked if I could get a quick picture and he happily allowed one. He told me to introduce myself to everyone and I said my name. Suddenly very aware of the time and that the last train of the night would be leaving soon I told him that I was extremely sorry but I had a promise to keep to my mom and had to get home. I told everyone goodnight, jumped on the bench, and raced to the train station.

The picture he and I took together has been the wallpaper on my phone since that night and I have no intention on changing it anytime soon. I still owe him money though (I’ve got you next time Jon). There has yet been a night that tops that night and to this day it still means the world to me. Jon and Switchfoot will always mean the world to me and I’ll never be able to say thank you enough. 

Posted in Journal, Real Life, Uncategorized

July 31, 2016

I think that when it comes to too many changes happening at once it’s too much for me to handle. I try (I really do), but at the end of the day I’m just overwhelmed. It’s not fun and in reality it makes everything harder than it should be. I shut down and become even more a recluse. People think I don’t want to be social or that I’m rude when in reality it’s extremely hard for me so I just choose not to.

I’m not going to stress myself more than necessary and if that’s rude I’m sorry, but I have to take care of me. If I plan on making a future for myself and I want to be secure (or at least feel secure) I’ve got to be a little selfish. I’m not happy about the fact that I haven’t blogged in a while, but once again there’s a lot of change going on and I just shut down.

A new job, taking care of my grandmother, packing up the old house, trying to be social, and trying to exercise and what not. I don’t get a chance to breathe until 11-11:30 pm. I eat dinner, plan to blog, and fall asleep. Please just work with me. I’m not going to just stop. This is the most consistent I’ve been since I first started this blog and I’m proud of myself for that.

I guess this post is just an overall update on my life and an apology for taking so damn long. It’s just been a rough couple of weeks, but I have missed y’all. Also, I’m sorry this post isn’t the best, but lets face it: it’s not my worst. I’ll get used to this and along with that I will get better. I’ll probably only post on the weekends for a while. At least till things calm down.  Talk to y’all soon.